How you remind me
by AmyNY
Summary: They have both moved on and are just friends now. Right. And that worked out just fine in season 2...Lit. Post 6.18. Complete.
1. Old habits die hard

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gilmore Girls.

**Summary:** Because after all, what the hell was he thinking? Why would she stay with him? She had dreams, hopes and a million plans. She was going places, and he learned long ago that he never would, and that dreams are just fairy tales for adults.

**A/N:** They have both moved on and are just friends now. Right. And that worked out just fine in season 2...Lit. Post 6.18.

-OO-

**Ch1 – Old habits die hard**

Speechless.

Confused.

Stupid.

So fucking stupid.

That was probably the best adjective he could think of at the moment to describe how he felt as those damn doors closed and she walked out. It was nothing he hasn't done before and it was nothing he hasn't seen her do. It was just that he didn't expect to (still) feel like this about her. And he definitely didn't think she felt that way about him and even less about the certain blonde Yale graduate she was with that night at the bar.

_I'm in love with him._

Those words echoed in his head but he didn't feel angry, or upset or any of those things. He felt nothing. He couldn't think, couldn't breathe. All he could do let those words play in his mind over and over again like an old broken record. And right then he wished for only one thing.

He wished she never walked into his life at all.

And just this morning, only a few hours ago, he thought about seeing her, maybe calling her to ask how things were these days (Did she finally fix it all?). He even briefly entertained the thought of admitting that he still cared about her more than an old friend probably should. Now that he's actually seen her all he wanted to do was get back to the blissful world of ignorance, he wanted to wonder again. He didn't want to know. But he did. She fixed her life, made peace with Lorelai. She was back to Yale, back to Logan. Everything was right with the world again. But he wasn't. She fixed everything breaking him in the process, for good this time.

When she closed those damn doors his first instinct was to run after her and ask her to stay, tell her that he wasn't fine with her leaving, tell her that all she said minutes ago _can't_ be the truth. But his legs just didn't want to listen to him, so instead he remained standing there, a small smile that was plastered over his face as she said her last words before walking away, fading instantly as he felt his eyes blur for a second.

I mean how stupid could he be? The girl told him no, not once, but twice and although he was sure once was more than enough here he was again. Standing there, hands in his pockets, feeling like the dumbest person in the world. Not that he was dumb. But when it came to her he always managed to surprise everyone.

Even now as he swore he'd never get in this sort of situation again he found himself hoping those doors would open once again and he would see her blue eyes and hear those magical words _I love you_, and _I was wrong. _Anything was better than this silence. Yeah when it came to her he believed in stupid things, he believed in impossible. Or maybe he was just really dumb after all?

He wasn't sure why he still loved her. She broke his heart so many times he lost count, though he did the same to her, and sometimes he couldn't imagine her face without connecting it with heartbreak, with leaving, with hurting. And he didn't know why. Why did he still love her? Why did he still care?

The answer to that question eluded him but that didn't stop him from feeling the way he did.

He knew he couldn't blame her for not loving him anymore (if she ever loved him at all) and yet, however irrationally, he resented her for still having a hold of his heart. He hated her because he couldn't stop loving her. Even if she did tell him no so many times. Just like today when all she left him with was an apology, three words she offered strangers when she ran into them on the street, as if that would make this less painful.

This was something she couldn't fix with short, meaningless words. She should have known better And he should have known better than to kiss her.

-00-

It took him almost ten minutes (or was it longer?) to realize something he probably knew all along. She wasn't coming back. Not now. Not ever again. And maybe it was better that way. Actually, after today, he was absolutely sure it was.

Because after all, what the hell was he thinking? Why would she stay with him? She had dreams, hopes and million different plans. She was going places, and he learned long time ago that he never would, and that dreams were just fairy tales for adults.

And now there was only one thing he could do. So he picked up his car keys determined to go meet up his friends like he promised before his entire life went to hell. Though he wasn't that kind of guy anymore (and he had her to thank for it), the thought of the nice bottle of whatever strong drink he could think of that would be placed in front of him when he came sounded more tempting with every passing second.

Yeah, he wasn't that kind of guy anymore. He grew up, and finally realized that he wasn't just a screw up. He wasn't just a high school dropout without a future. No, there were other things now that defined him. And though it took him a few years, and a lot of mistakes to understand that, he could now say that he finally found his place in the world and that he didn't feel like he didn't belong anymore. But when it came to her he tended to feel like that insecure seventeen year old boy he used to be. And he didn't like it. He didn't like it at all.

And really, never, not in the million years did he plan this day to end the way it did so forgetting it even happened in the first place was high on his list of priorities. It was stupid to think that a few drinks would change anything but it would make that ache in his heart go away for a few hours. And that was more than he could hope for.

Closing the door of his apartment he sighed. Yeah, he wasn't seventeen anymore. But Rory Gilmore still had that effect on him.

Only her.

~lit~

_Few months later…_

"Mom, you do realize I have to get back to Yale soon? Correction, I should've been there two hours ago!" Rory asked putting on her serious face, almost glad that she had to get back to school, and get away from the mountain of the brochures, wedding magazines and crazy planning. And her mom and her impossible ideas that seem to get more and more ridiculous.

Though she enjoyed it most of the time because, let's face it, what more can you ask from life than trying on a bunch of beautiful dresses and shoes all day long, she was slowly getting tired of it all. She really needed a break, glad that they had a wedding planner who took care of the most work and many boring details, and they really didn't need to do anything but her mom insisted to participate in the whole planning process so she agreed to help out of pity.

"Yes but isn't my wedding more important than your collage education and your entire future?" Lorelai asked looking up from spread out special edition of Vogue about brides.

"I should probably be concerned by that statement of yours but surprisingly enough, I'm not, so I'm just gonna let it slide. Though you just managed to reduce my self-esteem to about a zero by putting some ridiculously expensive event that will cost more than our house did and which you'll probably have to pay of till the rest of your life, in front of your only daughter. But since I know I would do the same, I totally support your crazy attitude and so I'll stay for one more hour. But that's it. Then I go for real. And no begging or blackmailing will make me stay. Seriously." she explained trying her best to stay as serious as possible.

"Aw you look so adorable when you try to pull of that stern, serious face!"

"I was not…"

"And I didn't actually hear anything you said in that little monologue of yours except for the 'I'll stay' part but thank you very, very much for deciding to do so, kid. I really do appreciate it."

Rory sighed "I'm sure you do, now let's get back to those bridesmaid dresses."

"Right. Well, as I said, you and Sookie should definitely wear those light orange ones. They'll look so adorable on you two." Lorelai said dreamily.

"Here I go repeating this for the fiftieth time. We are _not_ gonna wear those ridiculous dresses…"

"But they fit perfectly with the theme of the wedding!" Lorelai whined, interrupting her.

"…and you will not have the yellow/orange theme on your wedding unless you are planning to relocate it to Hawaii. We'll go with the dark red and possibly white or you'll need a new bridesmaid since I'm not showing up in that crazy orange dress anywhere in public."

"But why not? They're just so cute and I talked to Sookie and she said to me that if I want her to…"

"Um, I wonder about that to," Rory said, pretending she was seriously thinking about it "Maybe because they're ORANGE?" she asked as Lorelai looked at her like she has no idea what she wants to say with that "Okay, no more coffee for you. But I could really, really use some homemade coffee. These lattes have zero caffeine in them. Is Luke here? Luke!"

"No, hon, he's not here."

"What? Why not? Did you finally manage to scare him of with the whole wedding planning craziness that he decided to move to Alaska and never get married or even come close to any church in the next twenty years or so?"

"Haha, you are such a comedian. But you know what would be even funnier? That I ship you of to Alaska to live in one of those igloo thingies while I enjoy with Luke on my Hawaiian honeymoon." She said sarcastically as Rory gave her the look, and then added "And to answer your question, no Luke actually went to New York for the weekend. But he'll be back soon."

"New York? Why would he go there only two weeks before his weeding?" she asked as she suddenly remembered the answer to her own question…

"Jess."

"Yep. He wanted to invite him to the wedding but since he doesn't have his new phone number he decided to go to the Big Apple and see him." Lorelai explained.

"Oh." was Rory's only response. Her fingers rested on her empty Styrofoam coffee cop, playing with the paper wrapped around it nervously.

"Yeah. I wasn't exactly all over the moon about it either but Luke says he's changed. And you said he's changed, so I said why not?" she said "Why not invite a guy who crushed his car into a poll and got in trouble more often than I did my manicure, to come and join us on the most important day of my life? He is Luke's family after all so I thought it would be kind of wrong if I said he couldn't come."

"Yeah, and he has changed." Rory assured her "Really."

"Anyway, feel free to get yourself some coffee, you know where it stands."

"Actually I really have to go. Logan said he'll call me at the apartment and I almost forgot all about it so I should really…" She said taking her bag and cell phone from the table in a hurry "But I'll see you this weekend and we'll go through the menu and all. And tell Kate we'll go with the red/white theme. Seriously, I don't want to hear about the orange anymore. Okay? Bye now."

"But, wait you said you'll stay for…" Rory was already out the door, leaving a baffled Lorelai behind as the wind from her prompt exit stirred the magazine pages.

TBC…


	2. New girlfriends and old boyfriends

_AN: Alright, on with the next chapter. It's a lot longer so I hope you guys like it. And yes, English is still my second language, so if there are any grammar mistakes feel free to let me know so I can fix it. Enjoy!_

**Ch2 – New girlfriends and old boyfriends**

"What are you doing?"

"Not much. Just reading some 500 hounded pages long books, for my English class that you would find rather boring if nothing else, you?"

"Actually I'm reading, too." Lorelai announced proudly "Luke got these adorable new menus for the diner printed out today and they look so chic and professional. It almost makes it look like there is some actual fancy food available for ordering here."

"Oh how very studious of you." Rory commented unable to stop the smile from forming on her lips.

She was sitting on the couch in Paris's apartment studying. She didn't want to be alone at her place so when Paris asked her to come and study together she promptly accepted earning a raised eyebrow from Paris. She never thought she'd volunteer to hang out with Paris but people change (for better or for worse). And she definitely did.

"Well, I guess I am your mother after all." Lorelai commented, flipping the menu.

"Glad we have that finally confirmed. I was starting to wonder about it." Rory said, playing along.

"It's good then that I was here to clear that up." Lorelai said with a laugh "And how is Logan doing? You two talked lately?"

"Yeah, yeah we did. But you know how it is…he's busy lately with work and those new projects. And I'm busy with Yale and the newspapers, it's been really crazy, so we don't really have time to talk as much as we used to but we're managing."

"I'm telling you, you need to slow down. You don't have to get all straight A's all the time. A couple of A- or even B's would be perfectly fine."

"I thought you've made peace with the fact your daughter is a geek when it comes to school mom. Sure I don't wear glasses anymore or get overly excited buying pretty colored sharpies but I'm still a nerd at heart." Rory said, only half joking.

"Well a mother can hope. And you still get all wide eyed every time we pass that row with office supplies, especially the part with pretty shine pencils, don't think I haven't noticed Missy."

"I do not." Rory said unconvincingly before changing the subject to save herself from any further embarrassing discussions of her habits.. "Anyway, how are things with Luke?"

"Oh he's just fine, but he strictly prohibited me from mentioning the word p-l-a-n-n-i-n-g or w-e-d-d-i-n-g when I'm with him."

"Why are you spelling?"

"Because Luke's here."

"Of course, that sounds reasonable. Though I am a little shocked you know how to spell." Rory said sarcastically.

"What can I say? I'm full of surprises."

"You sure are. After this largely enlightening conversation I now have to go and yell at the couple of my dear employees."

"The newspapers?"

"Yep."

"Can I come and do that for you? I'm so stressed out these days that I'd be more than happy to do that difficult job for you."

"Thanks for the offer but no. But I will see you this weekend so feel free to yell at me then." Rory said.

"Here I am offering my help to my dearest daughter and how does she repay me for all the trouble I go to…"

"Bye mom."

"I gave birth to you, you know? Hours and hours of painful labor and this is the thanks I get for…"

"Bye mom." Rory repeated removing the phone from her ear, not paying much attention to her mom's chattering. She hung up with a smile. Her mom always had a way of cheering her up even on the worst days.

Paris walked in holding a cup of coffee in her hand.

"You done with your regular daily mom talk?" she asked sitting down next to Rory.

"We haven't talked since Wednesday!" Rory said sounding offended.

"Yeah, God forbid you two don't exchange the latest gossip every five hours."

"We do no such thing."

"Whatever you say Gilmore." Paris said.

"Is it just me or are you crankier than usual today?"

"I'm not…Okay, maybe I am. It's just Yale and exams and…sorry for dropping it all on you. I know it hasn't been easy for you now that Logan's gone and all."

Rory looked at her without saying a word. Why did everyone have to feel sorry for her just because her boyfriend was in London? She did that enough alone, thank you very much.

"It's fine. Let's just get back to studying."

~lit~

The view from the 15th floor wasn't really all that impressive. It wasn't like he lived in a penthouse that provided the view of the entire city but it was _his_ no matter how big it was and he was happy with it. He had a place of his own and he absolutely loved it. And he was back in New York. Not because someone forced him to be, like it happened most of the time, but because he wanted to.

He was born in this city and he lived there almost his entire life and though it didn't hold many happy memories it was still _his_ city. His home. And he liked it all. The rush on the streets in the early morning. The choices he had. Dozens of restaurants, cafes, shops, bookstores. The mixture of so many different cultures and people. But the thing he loved the most was that no one judged him. No one blamed him for anything or made hushed comments about him because he wasn't the typical, stereotype boy next door. Here he could be himself.

He was sitting in front of his laptop placed by the window so he had a good view of the streets, a fresh cup of Starbucks coffee placed by it (he picked it up ten minutes ago when he went to get a New York hot dog at a stand few minutes from his building) with a serious lack of inspiration for the continuation of his new book. He had no problems writing almost twelve pages last night but now he was dying to write a single word.

The thing that kept consuming his attention was the phone that was so conveniently placed on the counter few feet away. Yeah, that was one of the down sides of a small apartment. You could pretty much see everything, from one end of it to another, and though most of the time he found it quite practical, right now it was a mostly annoying.

Something that happened couple of days ago was still bothering him. His dear mother, Liz called about a week ago to ask how things were and to say that she and TJ were doing good, and then she added something about Luke getting married soon and that he invited her and TJ to come. She sounded quite happy about it commenting for the next ten minutes how she knew from the beginning he and Lorelai would end up together or something, he didn't really pay much attention to her rant.

But now he was sitting here, starring at the phone, wondering if he should do something. Like, maybe call Luke and see how things are there or maybe just to congratulate him since he was cool enough to come and see him while he lived in Philadelphia few months ago. And he did do a lot for him though he would never admit it. But he wasn't surprised that no one invited him; on the contrary, he was glad that was the case. Right now the last thing he needed was going back to Stars Hollow. And seeing her.

Because he was moving on. He wasn't in love with her any more. Really, he wasn't.

He hears the noise in the hallway and the unmistakable sound of his front door opening but doesn't do anything. He already knows who it is. Before he realizes it she comes up to him with a light smile on her face and kisses him before even saying halo. He finds himself kissing her back, glad for any sort of distraction.

She steps away when the breathing becomes an issue and looks at him with those warm, deep brown eyes. Her perfectly straight light brown hair falls casually over her shoulders and he tucks a stray hair behind her ear looking her in the eyes. She looks nothing like _her_ and he smiles back at her. He sometimes thinks that was one of the reasons they ended up together.

He met her one late night in a small bar, while he was downing his second (or was it third?) glass of Johnny Walker. Not a good place to meet a potential girlfriend, for sure, but she was in the same situation as he was. He couldn't help but notice the half empty glass of martini placed in front of her and he knew she was here for one thing. She was here to forget something. What, he didn't know yet.

They talked for a couple of hours and he found himself walking her home after. That's how it all began. Yeah, they were both hurt and disappointed then…not a good foundation to build a stable, long lasting relationship on. But they didn't want that anyway.

The relationship they were in wasn't serious, as they both said many, many times. After everything he wasn't sure he'd ever be ready to get into that sort of thing again. Not willingly anyway. And she just got out of a two year long relationship that ended just as badly as his did, so they both agreed they were fine with the way they were.

They were dating for a couple of months and they were at that point where they pretty much knew everything about one another. She knew almost everything about him except for the fact (that he desperately tried to ignore) that he still loved a certain girl with the blue eyes. And he did like her too, a lot actually, but he wasn't _in_ love with her. And he was pretty sure she felt the same way about him. But why was love so important when it brought him nothing but misery? It was better like this.

"Hi there." She says with a smile.

"Just when I thought you forgot that ancient custom we have here known as greeting."

"I already did that when I came in…" She says, leaning in closer, hands wrapped around his shoulders, looking down at his lips and then back at his eyes "Only better."

"Can't object to that." He says with a smirk leaning in for a kiss.

"So what are you doing?" She asks just as he's about to close the distance between them.

"Writing." He says running a hand through his hair with a sigh.

"Moved from that 65th page already?"

"Nope."

"Bummer."

"Definitely." He says, amused by her comment.

"So, I know you have to work on the book but… since you obviously won't get far with it today how about you take a break and we go for some dinner at Al's and a movie tonight?" she asks casually.

"I don't know, Jen." he says, moving her hands from his shoulders.

"How about just movie and we'll eat here when we get back, or maybe even skip dinner if we get caught up?" she asks suggestively playing with his shirt.

"Fine." He agrees cursing her for manipulating him this easily.

"Okay, so I'm gonna go prepare myself something to eat. You want something?" she asks standing up obviously satisfied with herself, before kissing him quickly and going to the kitchen.

"Not hungry."

"Right. Well, I'm dying for a sandwich. Plus I have to get back to school soon because I have classes this afternoon so I guess I'll see you tonight."

"Of course." He says getting back to his laptop as she opens the fridge to take the ingredients for her quick launch.

~lit~

She sat on the couch in her living room, well it was more Logan's then hers but still she lived there for quite a long time now and she should feel like it was her own. But that didn't change the fact that she still felt like a stranger there. And she didn't even want to compare it with the living room in Stars Hallow because she was sure she'd feel even less favorable of this place than she already did.

She pretty much finished all her school assignments as soon as she came home, so now here she was, sitting on the couch, switching through the channels for the last hour, not really sure what to do. The only thing that made her company was the silence and although she was glad for that when she needed to study or prepare for some really important exam, right now it was unwelcome.

Late last night Logan called her just before she fell asleep, promising that he'll call her today after launch and so now she was helplessly starring at the phone hoping that it'll ring any minute now. But as minutes passed, turning into hours it became clear that she won't be hearing from him today. Maybe he was too busy to call or he simply forgot about his promise (he tended to do that a lot lately). Either way, she has just lost a whole afternoon on doing nothing, and the thing that surprised her was that she wasn't mad about it. Maybe a little disappointed but that was it.

When he first left for London, she called him practically every five minutes to tell him how much she missed him and how she is seconds away from calling the airport and booking herself a flight for London even though she had classes. And although he laughed at her at first, he admitted he was tempted to do the same. Hell, one afternoon, when she got back from her English literature class, she found twenty-nine messages on her cell phone. And they were all from him.

But today, she was sick of the sitting, and waiting, and being lonely. This was not the way they should've been. It wasn't the way she should spend her life. Alone. And miserable. And seeing her boyfriend barely once a month, twice at best.

She did love him. But she quit one relationship because she didn't want to feel the same way she did right now anymore. And she loved that guy too. No, she _thought_ she loved him. But she didn't. She didn't just love him. She thought she would spend the rest of her life with him. And yet she broke it off.

She did love Jess then. But there was always that fear of him leaving her for God knows what time, and she couldn't deal with that. She needed someone who loved her enough to stay. And that someone was Logan. But now, sitting here alone, in an empty room, she couldn't not to wonder was it really so?

And that was the question she still didn't know the answer to. But she had to find out. And she had to find out fast.

Later, when she finally decides to go to bed, due to the fact that it was pretty late and that she had classes early in the morning, he calls. The phone rings once, twice, and she lets it ring a few more times before she picks it up, not wanting to sound like she just spent her entire afternoon sitting by the phone waiting for this particular call.

"Hi, Ace." He says simply as the answer to her sleepy hallo.

"Hi."

"You sound sleepy. Sorry if I woke you up." He says apologetically.

"No, I was just getting ready to go to bed. So no apologies are necessary. I'm just a little tired, that's all."

"Okay than I'm sorry for _almost_ waking you up."

"It's alright." She says quietly "I'm glad you called." _I miss you_, she wants to add but isn't really sure that she did. Did he ever miss her?

"So… how are things there?"

"Good. It's all good. Paris and Doyle are same ol' though she said I visit way to much lately, which wouldn't be such a problem, but apparently her shrink said that they need more alone couply time, so I'm getting in the way or something. And mom's totally freaking out about the wedding as usual, so everything's pretty much the same. What about you?"

"Um, pretty much the same. Lotsa rain, though, even for London."

"Really?"

"Yep." He replies.

"You are coming to the wedding, right?"

"Yeah, absolutely. Wouldn't miss seeing my girl for anything in the world." He assures her quickly.

"Well, you better. I'll wear some really sexy dress, so if you don't come I may hook up with some hot Harvard student and maybe even marry him."

"Now I'm really worried. I may even come earlier to check up on you, stop that wedding of yours."

"I would not complain." She says honestly.

"I don't know about that. What are you gonna do with your Harvard boyfriend then?

"I'll think of something if you'll come early."

"Yeah. Well, I should go, let you get some sleep."

"Okay, talk to you soon."

"Yeah, definitely."

"So…I should probably hang up now."

"Goodnight Ace. Miss you." He admits, his voice a half-whisper.

"Yeah, you too." She tells him.

"Bye."

She hung up with a bitter taste in her mouth. It was good to hear his voice, to hear that he still missed her. She was happy he called. Pulling up the covers tight she looked at the other side of the bed, her smile fading away. It was neatly put together just the way he left it. She turned around putting one hand across the bed, his voice still echoing in her mind. The pillow still smelled like him, on that expensive cologne he liked so much.

Yeah, she was glad he called. But she couldn't help but wonder will those five minute long late night calls be all she will get? With that thought in her mind she closed her eyes, falling into the restless sleep.

"I can't believe you talked me into this."

"What? That was the saddest movie I saw in the last couple of years. Well, with the exception of Titanic, that should have its own category, so it's…"

"Two hours of my life that I'll never get back."

"C'mon it wasn't that bad! And I had to rent it because it's almost a classic. I mean I don't know anyone who hasn't seen it by now, at least once."

"You're saying that like you did me some favor or something."

"Well…" She said with a smile "And you gotta admit that, if nothing else, it had a decent storyline."

"The Love story?" he said giving her the look "I should've known."

She rolled her eyes "I am slightly surprised you haven't read a book."

"I have. Too cheesy for my taste. And that was also another hour of my life I'll never get back."

"Alright, I give up. I should've let you go out with the guys and watch the movie alone. At least I wouldn't have to listen to you bashing it for the whole two hours." She said, sounding pretty upset.

He wasn't ready to give up his opinion but he didn't want to fight with her. She always was so supportive of his habit of reading for hours and leaving her alone though she didn't understand it, so the least he could've done was watch the damn movie and stay quiet.

"Jen?" he said but she refused to look at him staring at the television screen "Sorry about that. But you gotta give me some credit. After all I did watch the damn thing. And believe me it wasn't cause I'm a die hard fan of the cheesy chick flick movies."

"Guess you're right."

"And it wasn't that bad in the end. There were some good parts." He admitted turning to her "So we're okay?"

"I guess. Sorry for fighting with you over a movie."

"Love means never having to say you're sorry." He said looking at her.

She smiled hitting him with a pillow "So you did watch it after all."

"Maybe." He said with a smirk.

"Let's just finish this pizza. I'm so hungry I think I'll die. I couldn't eat during the movie because of those damn sad scenes, and the end just…urgh…" she glanced at the half eaten pizza "…but you, I see had no problems with that."

"Nope. I had to keep myself entertained somehow."

"Insensitive pig."

"Chick flick addict."

They both laughed as he reached out and kissed her.

"So you wanna stay here tonight?" he asked putting his second, now empty beer bottle down on the table.

"Can't. I have to get up early tomorrow."

"So you've said."

"But I can stay for a couple of more minutes." She said glancing at the clock.

"That'll do." He said grabbing her by the legs to pull her closer.

"It has to." She added laughing as he kissed her again, the thought how she tasted nothing like _her_ stuck in his mind. He smiled, kissing her again, but this time more firmly as they both rolled of the couch and fell to the floor.

_That's it for now. Don't forget to review!_


	3. Some old friends and stupid favors

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my computer. **

**AN: Well, on with the next chapter. And just to repeat that as I already said at the beginning this is a Lit story and as a huge RJ fan I wouldn't have it any other way but the two of them together in the end, so hope that clears it up…**

**Ch3 – Some old friends and stupid favors**

"I should really go now."

"Maybe. Maybe not."

"No, I _really_ should go."

"Can you try and _not_ be so responsible and skip you're first class tomorrow."

"No. I can't. It's just this horrible habit I have to go to school regularly so I can finish college and find a good job and all that. It's absolutely incurable. What can you do?" she joked getting her jacket from the couch.

"Jen!" he called after her from the floor.

"No, you're not gonna talk me out of it. No way."

"Then stay ten more minutes at least." He suggested kissing her on the lips.

"Nope." She said stepping away with a smile on her face.

"But I…"

"See you tomorrow." she said, blowing him a kiss before opening the front door.

As she did so Jess's face paled as he stared at the person on the other side of the door. He expected him to come. But not today. Not now. He wasn't prepared for the good ol' family visit. Especially the one with intentions. Bad ones.

His smile faded as he stood up and came to the door to look at the man in front of him.

"Luke."

"Hi, Jess." He greeted looking at him, and than glanced at the blonde beside him.

Jen looked at Jess and then at the unknown man, completely taken aback and totally puzzled by the new found situation. But it was more than obvious that Jess was too. Maybe even more than she was though he obviously knew who this man was.

"Um…this is Jen. Jen, this is my uncle Luke." He said looking away and introducing the two of them.

"_The_ uncle Luke? Well, it's really nice to finally meet you, but I really have to go now." She said with a smile and then quickly turned to Jess "I'll see you tomorrow…" she added quickly.

Jess has told her about the time when he lived in some small town in Connecticut at his uncle's apartment. She knew pretty much all about their little disagreements but even though Jess told her how they weren't exactly best friends, there was something worm in his voice when he talked about it all. And she knew him better than to buy into his little explanation. She knew that Luke was his only family except for his mom who never really cared about him enough to do change. But Luke did and Jess appreciate that. Even though he was too proud to admit it.

"Sure." He agreed.

With that she disappeared down the hallway. Luke stared after her for a moment and then turned his attention back to him.

"Are we gonna stand here all night, or are you gonna invite me in?"

Jess stepped away from the door, motioning for him to come in.

"So, how'd you find me here?"

"You're friend, Mike I think was the name."

"Should've guessed."

Luke glanced around the apartment.

"Nice place you have here. Real upgrade from that dump you lived at before."

"Yep. I have the real bed and my own bathroom, actually. With doors and all. Quite convenient."

"Yeah, I guess it is. Who was the girl?

"Jen." He explained.

"Girlfriend?"

"Maybe."

"Well, as you probably know I didn't come all the way to New York just to chat."

"Yeah. Beer?" he asked holding up a bottle as he leaned on the fridge door.

"Sure." Luke agreed, as Jess threw him a bottle taking one for himself and closing the fridge.

"As I was saying, I should explain the real reason of this little visit." Luke started.

"You really don't have to."

"No, I do." Luke said "As I'm sure you already know Lorelai and I have been dating for quite a while now. Actually we are getting married pretty soon, and I was wondering if you would like to…"

"No."

"But you don't even know what I wanted to ask you."

"I do, and the answer is still no. Sorry for the trouble. Traveling all the way from Stars Hallow and all just for a lousy beer." He said casually as Luke looked at him completely confused and maybe a little annoyed.

"Okay, can you at least let me finish what I was trying to say?"

"I know what you wanted to say. You wanted to ask me to come to the wedding and I said I won't. So, what's there to add?"

Luke stared at him for a moment.

"Yeah, well that wasn't all. I mean, I did want to ask you to come, but not just that. And believe me, I do understand that you aren't really all that excited about going back to Stars Hollow for quite a number of reasons, which I don't have to tell you, but I was hoping you'd make an exception and come anyway since I want you to be my best man at the wedding." Luke said, taking a deep breath, not believing he said all that without taking a breath.

"What?" It was Jess's turn to look confused. He was pretty sure he looked like a fish on dry land right now.

"You heard me."

"No, I'm afraid I didn't. You want me to… I should probably get my ears checked as soon as possible."

"You heard right, sorry to disappoint."

Jess stared bluntly at Luke, completely speechless. He anticipated everything Luke said by now and he was perfectly sure in his answer and in the way all this should play out. But this he didn't think of, not even in his wildest dreams.

Guess that Jess Mariano could still get surprised after all.

~lit~

"You do love me right? And you would do _anything_ for your most favorite person in the world, right?"

"Okay, now you're sounding really weird. And I'm slowly starting to get concerned for your mental state."

"Yeah, but you would do anything for me, if it was important?"

"I guess so. Why?"

"Cause I have a huge favor to ask."

"How huge?"

"Well, Emily came by yesterday to Dragonfly Inn to tell me all about her brilliant idea about going with her to buy the wedding dress to some big city because apparently there's no way that a Gilmore will wear a pathetic cheep 200$ Stars Hallow dress on her wedding day. And though I tried every possible way to get myself out of it I kinda said yes to her. I'm telling you, that woman has some really conniving, manipulative tricks that only Emily Gilmore can have that leave you completely powerless and unable to come up with any defense strategy. And I…"

"Mom, what's the point of this detailed and unnecessary explanation of your meeting with grandma?"

"I said I'm gonna go with her but I kinda said you'd go too."

"What? Why would you do that?"

"I had to. You can't possibly be that cruel to leave me alone with Emily Gilmore for the whole weekend in some unknown city!" Lorelai explained dramatically.

"But I have classes, and considering the fact my finals are just around the corner I can't afford a whole weekend away." Rory explained, not believing Lorelai has gotten her into this right now.

"But you have to." Lorelai whined "Don't you like having your mom around?"

"What's that have to do with anything?"

"Well, if you let the two of us go alone I'm absolutely sure one of us will not be returning home, and that someone will probably be me, your defenseless, poor mother that you abandoned…"

"Fine, I'll go. But you're using your mom card here and, just for the record, that's soo not cool."

Lorelai laughed, relieved that she'll have someone in her corner to make this weekend a little more bearable "What can I say? I'm plain evil."

"And just to keep myself informed and all, when are we going and where?"

"Probably this Friday, at least that's what mom said. And she apparently already made us reservations at _The_ Ritz-Carlton in New York City."

"New York?"

"Yep. So I should probably go and dig up my new "I heart NY" shirt. I mean I know I had that gray one but I saw this adorable white one a few days ago and I just had to have it. Finally, a chance to wear it! Oh, and thank you so much for going with us, you're a life saver. Literally." Lorelai said happily walking away to the second floor.

Rory just sat there still unable to fully understand what she just did. Did she just agree to go to New York? Again?

TBC


	4. Wherever you will go

**Disclaimer: Don't own The WB, or Gilmore Girls…**

**Ch4 – Wherever you will go**

Jess sat at his small kitchen table with Heineken beer in hand, one thought stuck in his mind.

_You can't go back to Stars Hollow._

No way in hell. And he'd be damned if he'd let Luke talk him into this. They didn't even like each other that much. And he probably had a bunch of friends in Stars Hallow anyway. He could've asked Kirk or Taylor or whoever. Hell, even TJ would work better than this. Why did he want him to be his best man?

But even more importantly, why did he care about any of this? He could simply say no, couldn't he?

"You're bathroom is really nice. Better than mine actually. How much do you pay for this place anyway?" Luke asked returning from the bathroom and apparently looking quite impressed with it.

This day keeps getting weirder and weirder.

"Not much, considering its New York. Why, you wanna move in?"

"Funny. But you still haven't answered my question."

"The offer's flattering, and pretty surprising to say the least, but I can't."

"Right. But can you at least think about it?"

"Already have, and as I said, can't do it. I'm pretty busy these days, with the new book and all… I really can't." he said and then "Why'd you want me to do it anyway?"

"Cause you're my nephew."

"And yet that didn't stop you before from throwing me out of your apartment and stealing my car."

"I had my reasons and you damn well know it."

"Whatever."

Luke sighed.

Jess looked at him, annoyed. Some things change and some never do.

"I should go anyway." he said walking towards the front door. "I made the reservations at the hotel nearby for tonight, so…"

"Luke…"

"Yeah?"

"Congratulations. On the wedding I mean."

Silence.

And then, "Thanks. I guess."

Jess nodded.

"Well, if you change your mind the offer still stands."

"I won't."

With that Luke walked out as Jess closed the door with a sigh, and returned to finish up his half empty beer.

_Why did he care anyway?_

~lit~

She was asleep, glad that it was weekend and that she could sleep in her own bed for a change. But more than that, glad she wasn't alone in Logan's apartment that seemed too big for her alone these days.

But this bed, maybe even too small for her now, felt familiar and worm, and homey. She shifted, breathing in the scent of her soft blanket. It reminded her of her childhood and the vanilla ice-cream, her favorite when she was younger. For the first time in days she could sleep without thinking about hundreds unresolved things and about questions that she didn't know the answer to. And then she felt cold. Someone pulled her covers off.

"Argh, take it back." She mumbled quietly, her voice raspy.

"Sorry, kido can't do. You have to get up."

"Mom…it's…" she said lifting her head slowly to look up at the clock placed on the night stand and at those big red numbers flashing at her "6 AM for God's sake. Give me back my covers and leave immediately or I swear I'll get up and hunt you down."

"Wow, someone's grouchy this morning." Lorelai spoke.

"It's not morning yet!" Rory yelled trying to bury her head under the pillow in order to shield her eyes from the bright light in her room.

"It is by the law that is familiar to everyone but you apparently."

"Go away!"

"Rory, you have to get up right now because my mom, your grandma, called fifteen minutes ago and she said she'll be here really really soon. So you need to be up in like a second, hon, but if you wanna make Emily Gilmore mad go ahead and sleep tight."

"What?" Rory asked sitting up and looking at her mother sleepily. The dark spots danced before her eyes from getting up to fast.

"You heard me."

"Unfortunately, but I'd like to believe that was just some hallucination of mine that is a result of me being awake at 6 AM. By the way mom, you look like you were hit by a bus."

"First of all, you're not hallucinating, though I wish you were so bad. And second, thanks for the compliment, you know how I enjoy to get up at the crack of down and stand here, for 15 minutes waking you up before I even had my morning coffee! And now I have to face my mom without any caffeine in my system. So now if you'd excuse me I'd go and take a nap in the kitchen 'til coffee gets ready." Lorelai finished, walking out graciously while Rory looked at her bluntly.

About ten minutes later Rory walked out of the bathroom wiping her wet hair after taking a quick shower. She quickly droped the towel into the washing machine, still not believing she was up this early. To be honest, she never knew these hours even existed (except at the time of the exams, but that didn't count). Until today, that is.

She got to the kitchen and automatically went to the coffee machine sipping a cup of coffee for herself and another one for her mom. After doing so she placed the cups on the table and sat down.

"Mom. Wake up and drink your coffee." She said nudging a sleeping Lorelai.

"What? Where?" Lorelai asked rising her head from the table, her hair falling on her face messily.

Rory pointed at the cup in front of her.

"Oh. Thanks." She said drinking up the whole cup in a matter of seconds as Rory stared at her in disbelief.

"Okay, now I really have to say something. You are totally addicted to coffee. And it is my duty as your daughter to stop this at once."

"Yeah, you're the one to object. Plus I need it if I wanna face Emily."

"You're overreacting."

"Really? Would you mind repeating that when she actually comes in here all cheery, and with million bags and some poor butler who'll carry all of them or something…"

The bell on the door suddenly buzzed.

"Speaking of…" Lorelai said getting up to open the door. "God help us all." She added dramatically walking up to the front door.

Rory remained sitting in the kitchen drinking up the rest of her coffee and trying to postpone the meeting with grandma as long as possible. She could hear her commenting something about Lorelai looking awful and her still being in her shorts that had bite me written on the back, though they had a plane to catch in less than an hour, meaning at 7.30 AM.

"Rory, dear, I at least expected you to be dressed and ready to go by now when your mother is walking around the house half naked." She stated dramatically standing right in front of Rory.

Lorelai stood behind her giving Rory "I told you so" look.

"Where are your bags?" Emily asked looking around.

"They're in the hallway. Just by the door, haven't you seen them?"

"Those two small bags? You sure that will be enough?"

"We're going just for a weekend. It's more than enough."

"I doubt it. But if you two agreed, then fine, wear the same clothes for the whole trip. It's not like I care."

"I appreciate the approval mom." Lorelai added sarcastically with a sigh.

"I should go get ready." Rory said getting up and going to her bathroom without another word.

"Yeah, I could do that too." Lorelai added "Mom, you can go sit in the living room and wait for us, make yourself at home. There's some food in the fridge if you're hungry. Just don't forget to check the expiration date."

Emily looked at her, appalled.

Rory opened her closet realizing she still hasn't decided what to wear. Her closet was half empty because most of her clothes were in the suitcases or at Yale. She totally forgot to separate an outfit to wear to the airport.

"Mom, have you seen my denim skirt?"

"It's in the bags, hon."

"Crap." She commented under her breath "What about the blue one?"

"It's in the washing machine, I think."

"Just great." She sighed.

She didn't have the choice but to take her regular dark blue jeans and a simple white sweater and her cute black scarf she bought in New Heaven last winter. She knew it wasn't that cold here, in Stars Hallow, but when they land in New York she was sure it would come in handy.

So in less then five minutes she was ready to go, pulling her hair into a simple pony tail as she walked to the hallway almost running into her mother. Lorelai wore her favorite jeans and an old, grey "I heart NY" T-shirt that she usually wore around the house.

Rory glanced at her.

"All my new clothes…sweaters, shirts, even my favorite red skirt…all packed and closed into that neat little suitcase of ours." She explained.

"Figured."

"Yeah. I see you had the same problem."

"Obviously."

"Can't believe that my mom will look more dressed up on this trip then we will."

"Me either. I even packed my favorite white wedges."

"This can't be good."

"Tell me about it."

"Lorelai, Rory, you two ready to go?" Emily asked coming from the kitchen.

"Yes, mom, we're ready." Lorelai answered automatically.

"Good. Then we should go. Robert is waiting for us in the car for almost half an hour now."

"Mom, you didn't tell me you came with a driver! You left the poor guy outside on this cold? You should've asked him to come in and wait here, where it's nice and worm and where he can feel his fingers."

"Of course I couldn't. Besides he has air condition in the car." She explained.

Lorelai sighed.

"Let's just go already." She said taking her bag.

The two walked out as Rory took her bag and went to lock the front door. She shivered as the cold fresh air from the outside hit her. Glancing at Lorelai having some argument with Emily about why she came here with a limousine like they were some presidential family or something, she sighed. This couldn't end well.

But New York always had a way of making things right for her, one way or another. _Would it be like that this time?_ She wondered as she locked the front door. If nothing it will be a good distraction from the complication her life has recently became.

She threw the keys in her hand bag and headed for the car, her footsteps the only thing that was breaking the silence of this early Stars Hollow morning.

~lit~

**That would be all for now. I'm really busy with school and all but I'll try to update as much as I can. And don't forget to REVIEW and tell me what you think! **


	5. New York, you and me: part two

**AN: Okay, on with the story. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, and to my sis for finding time to read this and tell me it didn't suck. So here it is…**

**Ch5 - New York, you and me: part two**

He was a different guy now. Not so lost in the world of perfection. Not so rebellious about stupid things. He had a normal job, an apartment, and sometimes he even considered finally getting that high school diploma. And he even had a regular girlfriend.

But sometimes, every once in a while he liked to do something just for himself. Something he liked, something that got him away from all the troubles you just couldn't avoid in this thing called life.

And that was where he was headed now. To that single place that always felt like home. Something he so rarely had growing up. He went there almost every week since he was eight. During his teenage years it was the only constant in his life, a place he could always come to. No matter how many boyfriends his mother changed, or how screwed up his life became. But now he didn't need to run anymore so he didn't come as often as before. And he found himself missing it.

So this morning he stepped on the streets of New York because of that particular reason. He had headphones in his ears, listening to one of the older Clash albums, volume turned up to maximum, trying to suppress the noise of the busy streets. It was a chilly morning, even for New York so he hurried down the street, turning around the corner, glad he put on his leather jacket on his way out. And then he stopped, a small smile appearing on his face. He has reached his destination.

He opened a small glass door that made that screeching sound that always irritated him but this time he let it slide. He instantly relaxed taking in the warmth of the place, unzipping his favorite leather jacket. He walked with determination, knowing fully well where he was going, passing a numerous number of shelves filled with books, that familiar sent of the old books filling his nostrils.

He smirked at the woman standing on the ladders, grabbing some books from the higher shelves.

"Well, well, look who we have here." A woman with short brown hair said.

"Hey, Kate." He greeted, his lips curving into a smirk.

"I thought you weren't planning on coming here anymore, to this poor little bookstore, now that you're this big shot writer and all."

"Yeah, well, guess you should feel honored then." he teased.

"I would bow at your feet but am too busy earning for my life by climbing 10 feet of the ground on the leaders that are as old as some of these books." she said rolling her eyes as he laughed.

"Now, I'm just gonna go and…"

"Yeah, yeah, you know where everything is." She said as he disappeared behind one of the rows.

He was planning on going to see his publisher about the book but he woke up earlier so he decided to stop by here before doing so. It was his way of having fun and he certainly needed that before facing 100 different questions from his boss.

So he walked up to his favorite section and draw out one particular book. He hasn't read it in so long and for some reason he wanted to check it out again. Sitting down in a quiet corner he opened it and started to read.

…_tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms further…And on fine morning..._

~lit~

_So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past. _She finished reading The Great Gatsby for what must have been 50th time, putting the book down. She was so grateful she had it neatly placed in her purse. It was something she always carried with her and it proved to be useful once again.

Because for the past two and a half hours (though it seemed a lot longer to her) she was sitting on some couch in a boutique in New York, Emily right beside her, while her mom tried on dresses for the wedding. She thought they were all really nice, starting from the first one she tried on, and would look great on her, but here they were, 24 dresses later and still not even close to choosing that perfect one.

And though Luke called almost an hour ago asking to come and pick them up for launch and maybe even some sightseeing, Lorelai told him no. She postponed the meting for dinner, because, as she explained, she couldn't let him see her dress before the wedding because it was a bad luck and that was the last thing she needed right now. And that was how she lost her last hope for escape.

Frankly, she was starting to get sick of it all. Emily was going on and on about every single dress she tried on (mostly saying how they were not good enough for a Gilmore to wear, though their price certainly was even more than enough) and she came to the point of wishing she was deaf to avoid listening to her anymore. Really, she loved her grandma when she knew she had to see her for two hours every Friday night but anything more than that was exaggerating. And a headache.

She craved for an aspirin. No, make that two.

And when her grandma started talking about how great she would look in one of those dresses when she decides to marry Logan she knew she has had enough. For Gods sake, the woman planed out almost the whole ceremony and they weren't even engaged! She had to get out of here. Real soon. But the thing was, she didn't know how.

And then it hit her.

"Mom, um…I see you have a lot of things to try on still so I thought I could go and check out this little bookstore I saw across the street. I really want to get a few books from New York."

She asked.

"I dunno, kiddo. I could really use your help here." She said, trying to find any excuse for her to stay.

"Yeah, but I'll be back real fast, and plus you have grandma here, she'll help."

Lorelai sighted, looking at her almost ready to yell '_Please don't leave me here with her' _but instead she just said "Fine."

Rory put down her copy of the book and mouthed _Thank you _to her walking out of the boutique as she pulled her jacket tighter around herself due to the fact it was much colder outside then in the store. A smile graced her face as she read _Kate's bookstore_ written in simple letters right above the door of a small place across the street.

She really loved New York.

The place looked a lot bigger inside then it looked standing outside. It had a few bookshelves that were pretty tall reaching the top wall. And in the corner, just by the windows, there were a couple of tables where you could sit down and read. It wasn't a really crowded place; just a couple of people here and there, as much as she could see. It was small and cozy.

It wasn't some high-profile store, it was that small spot where the locals and the people who were here for the reading came, not the ones that went to be seen holding a book in hand so they can brag how they read a lot. And it somehow reminded her of the similar bookstore in Stars Hallow. It reminded her of her childhood, when she actually had time to go in and stay all day reading without worrying about a million other things.

It reminded her on the winter days when she sat in Stars Hallow bookstore, with her legs up in her favorite comfy chair, with a cup of hot cocoa in her hand and read some good book while the snow fell outside. It was then she knew life was worth living. For those simple moments, that filled her soul with hope and joy and happiness, it was all worth it. When she was younger she came to that bookstore so often she knew the names of all the books. Classics, novels, Russian, English, French literature, even some chick lit…she had it all memorized, and most of them read at least once.

She smiled, surprised by her own actions. She did that so rarely these days when most of the time she felt like her little world was getting out of control and laughing was the last thing on her mind. But standing here she felt like she knew just what to do and where to go and she felt like she was on top of things again.

The woman by the counter greeted her asking if she needed any help and she explained that she'll be fine on her own. She scanned the rows quickly trying to decide where to go, which books to buy and did she have enough money to buy all the books she saw. In that moment she felt like Alice in Wonderland. Everything was so new and exciting, and yet so familiar at the same time.

She finally decided to go from the back row to the front and so she hurried to the back to start the search as soon as possible. In a matter of moments she was there, big smile plastered on her face as her eyes moved through the titles on the shelve ending up on something unexpected.

Some guy was sitting in the corner, book placed in his hands. Oliver Twist. He wore a leather jacket and some gray shirt combined with dark blue jeans and she knew it just then. It was him. There were four free tables just few feet away and still he chose to sit on the floor. It just had to be him. No one else found the dusty floor more appealing then a comfortable chair. He once said something about it completing the whole bookstore experience, making it more authentical or something, she remembered.

His hair was just the same shade of brown (so dark it was almost black), maybe a little more messy then the last time she saw him. It was just like it was a long time ago, when they were seventeen. Maybe he forgot to put on his usual dosage of hair gel or he simply didn't need to try so hard anymore. It was refreshing.

She didn't know how to behave, what to say, suddenly nervous. They didn't really leave things so well last time they talked and she wasn't even sure he wanted to see her anymore. She could understand that because really, if she was him she wouldn't want to see her too. But she was here and she couldn't just pretend to not to see him there. She had to do something.

So she did.

"Surprises, like misfortunes, seldom come alone." She said as he looked up directly at her eyes as she added a quick "Hi", not being able to think of anything better at that particular moment.

"And quite a surprise you are. Should've guessed it's you." he said, obviously surprised to see her here. He thought for only about a thousand times how it would be to see her again, and now all he could think about was how to get out of here as soon as possible. She made him uncomfortable , a strange role reversal, and he didn't like it.

"Why is that?" she asked curiously, a playful grin on her face.

He couldn't not think it was like before. When reading books was fun, and when hours were spent in a certain bookstore, discussing and debating Hemingway, Dickens, Ayn Rand... No strings attached. No long, nauseous past stuck between them like a five foot wall.

"For starters, you're the only person, besides me, that I know who read Oliver Twist so many times that you almost know it by heart." He rose up from the floor and stood up, closing the book he was reading moments ago.

"I feel like such a geek now." She stated, sounding almost childlike, and the expression of her face reminded him of the times her mother ranted to Luke on one of their numerous diner visits how great she is, and how she's so good at school or something along those lines and she would look at him, her cheeks turning bright red.

"You really shouldn't." he assured her quickly and added "What's with you being here in New York?"

"Um…it's kind of a long story. And I'm sure you'd be real amused by it, but as I said…really long story. It involves mom, and grandma, and a wedding dress. And grandma manipulating mom into coming here."

"I knew you inherited that little skill from someone. Maybe some other time then." He answered knowing very well there won't be that 'other time'.

"Yeah. Maybe." She said, in a lack of better words.

She shifted uncomfortably, looking at the book in his hand, deciding it was the most neutral spot. Safer then his eyes, anyway.

He wondered what about the book cover she finds so fascinating.

"How's your writing going?" Yeah, casual, noncommittal conversation was a away to go with.

"Good. Finishing up my second book actually." He explains.

"I know it'll be great."

She was always being nice. She stayed on good terms with her ex boyfriends (except with him maybe), and did all she was asked to do. She always made the right moves. The little town princess. And here she was doing it again. Being polite. He wanted to tell her it was stupid. And that you can't always have everything. But instead he stood there playing along her little game.

"I think just the opposite, but that's just me, the author."

"You were always the pessimistic one."

"Yeah, thank God I had you there to show me the bright side of life, right?"

She looked at him, smile fading away, and he swallowed the invisible ball stuck at the back of his throat. He was in desperate need for a change of subject. But somehow his mind was blank. He couldn't think of a single thing, except…

"So, you're here with Logan?" It's a question he's been tossing and turning in his mind ever since he saw her standing here but he was never meant to say it out loud. But here it was.

And he was getting ready for a disaster.

"No." she said simply "I came with mom and grandma for the weekend."

"What happened? The blonde cheated on you again?" He spat out finally. He didn't thought this would be the way their first conversation after months of not seeing or hearing from each other would play out. He didn't want her to think he was mad at her because of the way their last talk in Philadelphia ended. But he couldn't help it. He was.

He observed her silently, the lines of her face, finally looking up into her light blue eyes. He remained stoic, not letting her track any kind of emotion. But then her eyes narrowed and he knew she was hurt by his words. It was a thing she did every time she was upset.

And he wanted to take it all back. God, he was such an as-hole.

"It's nothing like that." She finally said giving him the death glare.

"Sure." The sarcasm in his voice was unmistakable.

"He's in London at the moment, not that that should concern you anyway." she said defensively.

"I was just doing the small talk, that's all."

"Well, you suck at it." She said quickly. _They both did._

"I'm sorry."

"I have to go now." She said, knowing that she should've stayed in that boutique with Lorelai instead of coming here, and he could see the anger in her innocent blue eyes. No not innocent, that was then, and this was now. And she wasn't like that anymore. But yet he could see the vulnerability in them and the damage his words have done.

And it made him feel guilty. A feeling that was way too familiar to him. Why was it that every time they ended up arguing it was his fault? Why couldn't she be the one to blame for once? Maybe because he was the one who always messed up and here it is, history repeating all over again.

She was the one that came here, making his world turn upside down, and she was at least a little bit guilty for this. For all those times she said no. For breaking his heart. Once, twice…he lost the count.

But all that is forgotten when he looks at her eyes. Those deep blue eyes. Hurt. By him, by something he said. And his lame attempt at an apology won't do anything to salvage the situation, it's just a chorus he keeps repeating and it's lost it's meaning by now.

They're just words.

He looked up trying to catch her eyes, but she skillfully avoided his gaze by looking at some unknown spot on the floor that was more interesting to her than him apparently. Or was it just less hurtful? He didn't really know. He found it hard to breathe as she finally looked up.

And it was then he knew those few months since that Philadelphia visit were just mare pretending. He briefly wondered, with dread if she knew it to, when she looked into his eyes.

Sometime later he walked outside, pulling a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it up. He took a deep breath feeling his heart slowly return to his regular beat.

Her face haunted his mind and he couldn't force himself to take a single breath. He counted down the seconds, one, two, three…focusing on just that and the sound of his heart beating in his ears. It felt nice to not think of her for that brief time before the dark spots appeared in front of his eyes and he finally had to breathe in the cold air and the bitter smell of a half burned cigarette.

He coughed, moving a hand to his mouth, his lungs unprepared for the amount of air it took in at once. It didn't take long before he return the cigarette to his lips, taking a long, satisfying drag and watching the smoke disappear.

In the end, he decided to reschedule his meeting with the publisher for some other time.

He really wasn't in the mood for it.

**Dun, dun, dun…Now, all you guys got to do is press that little button in the corner and tell me what you think!**


	6. Once more you tell those lies to me

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything except the idea for the fic and the hope that RJ will get their happy ending one day.**

**AN: Thanks for reading and drop me a line…**

**Ch6: Once more you tell those lies to me**

"I am so not in the mood for this."

"Why not?"

"Hm, where should I start…. First, Emily will be there so that reason alone is enough not to go. Second, it's a fancy dinner at a fancy restaurant, with six courses with five different glasses for vine, and just as many forks and spoons and whatever else they can think of."

"But you own a DINER!" Lorelai said.

"Exactly, a diner. Not a five star hotel. And I thought you and I would do something tonight. Alone. Maybe go out so you can show me around the city since I'm stuck here anyhow." He paused "You know that high class dinners are not my thing."

"True, but I have years of Friday night dinners to back me up, so no worries. I'll tell you all about the forks and vines and glasses. You'll do fine." She assured him.

She sighed seeing the annoyed look on his face. When he got out of the bedroom, all dressed up in a brand new suit she was speechless. He looked good. Really good. Come to think of it, she never saw him so dressed up by now even though she knew him for years. She couldn't help but think how he'll look at their wedding. And she smiled. It wasn't that she didn't love his every day look and that silly baseball cap that seemed permanently attached to his head. She was quite fond of his ridiculously small collection of baseball caps in fact. But it would be interesting to see him in something else.

And out of it. Okay now was so not the time to think about that. Damn Luke and his broad shoulders in that tailored, dark suit... Focus Gilmore.

"Easy for you to say." Luke said, shifting uncomfortably.

"I'll make it up to you, okay? And we'll definitely go and check out all the cool places in NYC. Maybe even go have lunch at some big city diner. Later." She explained coming closer to fix his tie.

"I'm not so sure about that. And what do you mean by 'making it up'?"

"I was thinking you, me, a couple of candles, that expensive champagne we have in the fridge and a huge Jacuzzi in my room, after dinner. Good enough for you?" she asked, rising an eyebrow playfully.

"You think that you can persuade me to stay at this dinner for two hours surrounded with these rich, stuffy people that talk for hours about thinks that hold no interest to me with that? Believe me, I'd never underestimate your powers of convincing but I don't think they'll work this time." He protested but she could see he was slowly giving in.

"We'll take off earlier." She added, amused look on her face.

"Okay, I'm in."

~lit~

The dinner went pretty well. No, it went better than well. Luke and Lorelai came a lot later than she did and Luke was obviously uncomfortable with Emily being there and the dinner as a whole. But the thing she appreciated was that they were so busy looking at each other, especially Luke who didn't even dare to turn to Emily, that they didn't even notice her being all pathetic and flipping her salad on that plate for the last twenty minutes. And she was so thankful for it. Honestly, a dinner in a terribly expensive hotel restaurant was not her idea of an ending to a more than catastrophic day.

The whole evening Lorelai talked about Rory's little embarrassing childhood moments, managing to somehow squeeze in all those she strictly prohibited her to mention to anyone EVER but she lived through it with an additional glass of red wine. The thing she found rather strange was that Luke didn't mention anything about Jess. He did visit him not long ago, after all. There had to be something worth mentioning, they surely brought up the theme of the upcoming wedding. So was he gonna show up or not? It wasn't that she didn't appreciate them not bringing it up. Because she did. But she was still curious. She guessed he refused Luke's proposal. Or she hoped that was the case.

Today, seeing him was…unexpected and surprising and…maybe even nice. She has came to think of these occasional run-ins as their 'thing'. They talked and commented on books just like before when they actually were friends and things weren't awkward and strange. And difficult. Since when was talking to Jess so hard?

Because five minutes later the conversation took another turn and she knew friends was something they'll never be again. Were a two minute awkward conversation all that they were reduced to now? They've known each other for years and sometimes she thought he knew her better than she knew herself. And she wanted them to be friends. To be in each other's lives.

And this wasn't the way things were supposed to be with them. They were supposed to be better. And she wanted to fix it. She was an expert in that area by now.

_So why couldn't she fix this?_

Lorelai was just ordering some braised pears in chocolate sauce for dessert while Luke was giving her strange looks, when her phone started ringing. She thought about ignoring it but Emily looked at her like she was committing a crime or something by causing the noise so she decided to answer it to avoid any more serious consequences.

"I have to take this. I'm done with dinner anyway." She explained getting up from her chair. It was pretty loud there and so she decided to talk in the hallway.

"Rory, haven't I told you many times that it's rude to talk on the phone during dinner." Emily said.

"I know, but it's really important." She said walking away from the table.

"Is it that Huntzberger's son? If it is, tell him to congratulate his mother for a lovely dinner last Thursday. I wouldn't have organized it better myself."

"I will."

"Hallo?" she said bringing the phone closer to her ear.

"You already at the Big Apple, Ace?" said the voice on the other end of the line.

"Hallo to you too. And yeah, we are. We took an early flight this morning."

"And how are things there? Been to Times Square, Central Park, went to any interesting parties maybe?"

"Nope, I'm planning to do that later. But mom has found a dress for the wedding, surprisingly enough. She was so enthusiastic about it she refused to let anyone come close to the box. The one with the dress, I mean. She even threatened to people. It was quite a sight." She explained.

"I bet it was. _You should really sit down, Rach. Those two glasses were…"_

"What did you say?"

"I was talking to Rachel here, sorry about that but we're having a little party at the office to celebrate a successful week."

"And Rachel would be?"

"My boss." he explained shortly.

"Interesting."

"I don't see why."

"For starters, you never mentioned your boss to me. Or the fact that she is a _woman_, who is probably tall and blonde and…"

"You're overreacting."

"I don't think so. Quite the contrary actually."

"It's nothing like that. The whole staff is here together celebrating, it's not like we're alone."

"And that makes a difference how? I keep missing your point." Rory said, unable to suppress the bitterness from her voice.

"What did you say? I don't hear you very well. It's really loud in here."

"Have you been drinking?"

"What? Maybe a drink or two, nothing serious."

"Or four or five…"

"No."

"Whatever, Logan."

"Are you seriously mad at me for going to an office party?"

"I don't know. Do I have a reason to be?"

He was always like that. Hanging out with Finn and Colin and doing all the crazy stuff they could think of. Not to mention the fact that almost every night out with them ended in some bar. She was so used to it and she actually often drove them all home more than once, when they came to that point where they weren't able to stand on their own feet which happened pretty often.

But now it bothered her. A lot actually. And she didn't understand why.

"Ace…"

"You know what, I don't care. I have to get back to dinner anyway. And you obviously should help your boss before she gets in a serious accident."

"Rory?"

The next thing he heard was a click and a steady dial tone.

She closed her cell phone and put it in her pocket angrily. Looking down the hallway towards the table where they were sitting she sighed seeing them engrossed in a conversation. And then she slowly turned around choosing to go the other way, to the hotel lobby and the front entrance sliding doors.

All she could do now was hope that a short walk and a cold night air would help her clear her mind and not think about any of it. About Logan. Or Jess.

Wait, where did that one came from?

~lit~

She was sitting on his couch in the living room in her jeans and some oversized T-shirt, textbook in hand. Her hair was raised up in a high pony tail and she had her glasses on. It was her usual position on almost every working day. A routine. She'd come here after classes with her books and sit down to study after launch. He was usually on the sofa reading a book or working on his own, not wanting to disturb her. It was their version of casual afternoons.

He didn't mind since she lived in a dorm and had a roommate so he knew it was almost impossible to study at her place. This way he got time to read without disruptions and she could get ready for her upcoming exams. It was a win-win situation.

But tonight when he came in dropping his jacket on the sofa, he wished she wasn't there. It bothered him somehow and he didn't know why. But after this morning's encounter everything seemed to annoy him more than usual so he decided to ignore it.

He opened the fridge looking for something to eat and she looked up at the noise.

"Hey you."

"Hey." He said closing the fridge, coke in hand.

"So where were you all day? I came here almost three hours ago."

"Out."

"Out as in out for a really long walk or out with Mike, going over your book?"

"Just out."

"And we're back to monosyllable conversation."

He didn't say anything.

"Oh, I almost forgot. Mike called you earlier. Something about you not meeting him and him killing you later. He said you'd understand what he meant."

"Yeah." he said regretting for the millionth time for ever walking out of his apartment this morning. Why couldn't he for once stick to the rules and just go to work like he was supposed to? These last couple of months he's worked so hard to get back something he lost a long time ago. A peace of mind.

And ever since this morning he couldn't stop thinking about her, analyzing every single word over and over until he couldn't think anymore, and he just wanted it to stop. He really needed a good night of sleep. And maybe, just maybe it will all look better in the morning. Maybe all of this will be just a bad nightmare. He hoped, if nothing, the guilt and the heavy feeling in his chest would go away, replaced by the usual numbness.

She got back to her homework as he sat on the couch next to her taking the book he started reading last night from the coffee table. Opening it, he leaned back and started reading from the marked page.

"What's with you today?"

"Nothing."

"Wanna talk about that 'nothing'?"

"Nope."

"I saw David today." She added after a brief silence.

"Really?"

"Yeah, he came to NYU because of some job. He wants to work there as an assistant to professor McClain."

"Huh."

And back to the silence.

"I'm going to bed." He finally said.

"But I'll be done in a minute." She said, taking of her glasses.

"You don't have to hurry, you should finish that. I'm really tired."

"It's been a long day." she said with a sigh.

"You can't even imagine." he said, kissing her quickly on the cheek and then disappearing to his bedroom.

After going for a quick shower he finally went to bed and closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep. After about ten minutes of twisting and turning and staring at the ceiling he gave up turning the light on and took a book from the table.

When he started to read he heard Jen's sort breathing from the living room. She probably fell asleep already. And as he glanced at the clock, the big red numbers telling him it was almost 2 am he wished he was on her spot.


	7. Run away try to find a safe place you ca

**Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls are the property of ASP and the WB, or is it CW now? Anyway, I don't own em.**

**()**

**Ch7: Run away try to find a safe place you can hide**

"Please make it stop."

"Make what stop?"

"The noise."

"Mom, I was just asking what do you want to order."

Rory said taking of her jacket and putting it on a chair beside her. They were sitting in a small restaurant that was just a block away from the hotel. Rory didn't want to eat there so they went out and decided to eat their breakfast here. The place was crowded although it was barely nine thirty in the morning which she thought was way to early for cherry conversations that everyone here were so found of for some strange reason.

"Yeah, but you're voice is extra high this morning." Lorelai complained.

"No, it's not."

"I need coffee, pronto." Lorelai complained.

"The waiter will be here in a moment."

"That's not fast enough." She said "Does my face look pale in these dark sunglasses?" She asked as Rory looked at her in confusion.

"No, that's just your usual color."

"I knew I should've gotten a ten before this trip."

"And what the hell did you do last night? Hit a few parties with Paris Hilton maybe?" Rory asked sarcastically.

"God, who do you think I am? I mean I did do some not so admirable things in my life but that is just low. I'm really insulted now." She said pretending to be upset.

"Hey, don't blame me, you'd ask the same thing if you saw yourself in the mirror. So fess up to your favorite daughter."

Lorelai sighed.

"When you left Emily suggested that we make a toast to the wedding and so we did and then she proceeded to talk for ages about how incompetent our wedding planner is and why Luke doesn't want to wear Armani suit and I looked at my martini glass, which was empty, so I ordered a new one. And maybe a couple of more after that. And then we went to our room and…it's a long story…"

"That I really don't wanna hear about." Rory said, wrinkling her nose in disguise.

"It's all your fault you know. If you were there none of this would have happened and I wouldn't feel like I just hit my head in a wall repeatedly, like I do now." Lorelai stated as Rory gave her a look.

Just then the waiter finally took pity at them and walked up to take their orders.

"Oh, the guy who brings coffee is here. You have the best job in the world, let me tell you that. And you should be paid at least triple more then you are." She said as a waiter looked at her probably thinking she was crazy "I'll have the largest cup of coffee you have in this place and make it extra black."

"I'll take one too. But just your regular black, please."

"Well aren't you just…" Lorelai said but then paused to put hand on her forehead "Never mind, I'll just go and sleep for a few minutes if you don't mind." Lorelai said putting her head on the table.

"I could use that sleep myself."

"Yeah, where were you last night, pulling that little disappearing act of yours." She asked looking up from the table at Rory "You got wasted last night with grandma, didn't you? I knew she had a dark side I didn't know about."

"No, I just went for some fresh air, which turned into a two hour walk around the city. What'd you say we take this coffee to go and get back to hotel and sleep?"

"Can't. I have a date with Luke. Kinda promised to go for breakfast with him and do the sightseeing thingy."

"But you could explain it to him, he'd understand."

"I'll be fine once I get some caffeine into my system, thank you very much."

The door bell jingled and Rory looked up from her menu seeing Luke walk in. He looked around, scanning the place and then he finally noticed her and after a brief wave walked over to the table.

"You better be fine now because Luke just came in and he's heading over here."

"He can't."

"What do you mean 'he can't'?"

"I look like a disaster. I should probably go ahead and cancel the wedding because he certainly will once he sees me."

"Dramatic much?"

"Oh, you say that now but you just wait and see." Lorelai said, sitting up with a wince.

"Rory, have you seen…?" he stopped in the middle of the sentence as he turned to Lorelai "Why are you wearing those ridiculous sunglasses?"

"For your information those are _Tom Ford_, not _ridiculous_. And I just wanted to try on a new look. You know, urban and chic." She said with a smile and then turned to her daughter "Little help here hon."

"She'll be over it by tomorrow, don't worry. It's just one of those impulsive things she does." Rory explained. "I'd blame it on the change of weather or the martinis."

"Remind me to never ask you for any favors ever again."

"You two are officially insane. There's no other logical explanation."

"And that's just one of my many charming qualities."

Luke sighed.

The waiter came over bringing their coffee. Lorelai took hers and drank it all up practically in one gulp as Rory watched in amazement. Luke on the other hand after staring for quite some time at his future wife in shock finally managed to pull himself together and ordered something for himself.

"I was planning on doing some shopping, I promised Lane that I'll get her some records and I should probably look for something for grandpa. And than maybe later go to Times Square and Central Park and maybe MET if I have time. I've heard some really great things about it and since you'll go with Luke today I can go see it by myself. You'd fall asleep there anyway."

"I would not. You were talking about that shopping street we passed on our way here that you promised to go and check out with me right?"

"Nope. I was talking about the museum, Metropolitan Museum of Art to be precise."

"Well, it was a close guess." Lorelai said with a sigh "And I'd love to go with you but as you said I already have plans. Not that I wouldn't love to stand in front of some confusing painting and stare at it for 20 minutes. I mean I'd…"

"Yeah, yeah I know you would. You're just busy…I get it." Rory said in a mock serious voice.

"Okay, now what are we gonna eat? I'm starving!" Lorelai asked.

"Hm, I'll have an omelet with cheese, two chocolate pancakes and a blubbery muffin." Rory said.

"Make that two, and Luke you said to that fine young man to bring me coffee too when you ordered, right?"

"But you just had one."

"One? Are you even aware of the words that are coming out of your mouth? Have the years of serving me coffee thought you nothing? I can't believe…" she paused to take a breath.

"I'll be right back." He finally gave in walking to the counter.

"And that's why I'm marrying you."

~lit~

Her cell phone rang so she quickly looked at the ID and after a short pause closed it. This would be the fifteenth call from him this morning that she refused to answer. She knew why he was calling. To apologize for last night and to say that she's the only girl he loves. And how he didn't do anything wrong and she was just overreacting. It was a story she heard frequently from him in the last couple of months.

And tomorrow she'll go home to their apartment and find a box that holds a huge bouquet of red roses on the table with a little note. She'll take them out and inhale the sweet scent and then go to the kitchen to find the appropriate vase. Just when she finds the vase and puts the bouquet next to a similar one from last week he'll call.

They'll talk, she'll forgive him and ten minutes later they'll laugh at it all and he'll tell her about the life in London and she'll thank him for the flowers and by the end of the day it will all be forgotten.

But right now she didn't want to deal with any of it. She wanted to be childish and forget about her problems, put them in a little box and lock them up for a day. And after a breakfast she just finished up five minutes ago she was ready to start her exploring of the city and the search for presents. She stood on the street looking around.

All the people were in a hurry to get somewhere, like they did every other day before, not impressed by their surroundings. When she was younger she always imagined her life would be like that. After graduating from college she'd start working at some big newspaper company and she'd live in some one bedroom overpriced apartment, struggling to make it in the big city. And in the morning she'd hurry to work, cell phone in one and coffee in the other hand or she'd take a cab to the airport going to another trip concerning her job as an overseas correspondent.

It was her dream since she was ten. And maybe it did have something to do with her living in a small town where nothing ever happened but she was sure it had a lot to do with her wanting to experience life in every sense of the word, and to work and to go to all the exciting places. She was never the one to sit at home and she was sure she never would be. And she was damn proud of it.

And now, standing here, observing her surroundings it all seemed so big, the streets, buildings, and she looked so small. Her problems looked small, insignificant. The thought made feel lighter somehow, it made her smile.

Standing on a pavement she raised her hand up and called for a cab. The car stopped and she grinned feeling native and urban, as Lorelai put it, as she opened the cab door and got in dropping her bag besides her.

"Where to?" the driver asked turning in her direction.

She looked down at her NYC map deciding to start of the tour with a museum and then go shopping after "Fifth avenue, 82nd street, please."

~lit~

Five hours later, and fifteen blocks further she was dying for a couch, or a chair or anything she could sit on, really. The only good thing she did was put on her favorite snickers this morning because if she didn't she was sure she'd be falling off her feet by now, or worse. The bags were really starting to get heavy, but she just _had_ to buy Lane six records instead of two, and she just couldn't pass that cute jacket and dark blue jeans she saw at Bloomingdales and not to mention the gifts for Richard and Logan, Sookie and Miss Patty and whomever else she remembered.

So here she was now, standing in the middle of the street, still unwilling to admit she was completely lost, with only a couple of dollars in her valet, which was not enough for a cab fare to her hotel. But there was a positive side to all of that – at least she had enough money for a hot dog because really those pancakes form this morning were long gone and she was hungry as hell. Plus she probably had to walk back to hotel (wherever that was) and she needed energy.

Putting all her bags in one hand she walked up to the hot dog stand with a sigh taking out the last of her money as a guy working there asked her what she'll have.

"Um…I'll take…"

"…one with everything." He cut her of finishing the sentence.

She closed her eyes for a second thinking she must be delusional from all the walking and the sun. But after taking a deep breath she turned around to face the person standing next to her, her face turning white.

Jess.

()

**Thanks for reading. Please let me know what you think!**


	8. Reason to believe

_**Disclaimer: **__See chapter 1._

_**A/N:**__ I rewrote this chapter like five times (at least) and so I decided to post it now before it ends up in the Recycle Bin…lol_

**Ch8: Reason to Believe**

It was funny really. Half an hour ago it was just a paper with the letters neatly typed up. 68 pages. And now it was full of red marks looking like someone decided to mess with it just for the fun of it. It looked like a Dalmatian only with red spots. And all he wanted to do was drop it in the next trash can he passes by.

He had to laugh at the thought. This morning when he came out he was pretty confident about what he's written (or typed) so far. It wasn't still even near completed, more of a work in progress, but he could live with it. Sure, there were a couple of pages he thought were kinda crap, but the rest of it was quite decent.

And then he walked to the 7th floor, going straight to Mike's office where he told him that Helen (the chief editor) was, if nothing else, pissed cause he didn't come yesterday like he said he would. And they were just talking about grabbing a beer after work when she walked in dropping a book in his hand saying how she thought that it was pretty good, but that there are a few technical, grammatical errors and a few sentences that were in need of changing.

The key word being a few.

You could imagine his surprise when he opened it up. To say he was shocked was an understatement. And he was about to tell her exactly what was on his mind when Mike gave him a look that probably saved him from being jobless right now. But why the hell did he need to correct this shit anyway? Weren't those frikin' editors there to do that?

So after deciding to worry about that later, thinking that he had enough of the crap for one day, he put the book in his back pocket walking up to his favorite launch place in the city. He pulled out a few dollars from his pocket and was about to order up when a familiar voice startled him. Looking up he tried to resist the urge to laugh for the second time that day.

Because really it was ridiculous of him to think he would manage to avoid her in a city this big. Real funny. Not that he tried to avoid her. He just thought that the little encounter at the bookstore was the last they'll have. It was just his luck to stumble on a person that was the last one he wanted to see (since she was kind enough to explain to him oh-so-nicely that she was in love with another man, but if it weren't for that he would be more than glad to see her again) twice in one weekend.

She was just ordering something, poorly trying to balance her numerous shopping bags and her cell phone at the same time. At first he thought about simply walking away because he really didn't want to deal with that now. And it was obvious she didn't see him, being busy with the whole trying-to-not-end-up-in-a-horizontal-position thing so he could just turn and walk away easily. But he decided against it, thinking he should take a chance he had in front of him and talk to her. He couldn't leave things like they were between them, cause truth be told, he screwed up the whole thing anyway. Again. Not a big surprise there, but he liked to think of this as his chance to make things right.

Guess there's first time for everything.

"Um…I'll take…"

"…one with everything." He supplied, unsuccessfully trying to hide the smirk on his lips "And make that two."

The look on her face was one of a complete shock as he quickly paid for the both hot dogs, and then she finally managed to say something.

"You didn't have to do that." _Way to go, Gilmore._

"I don't mind." He assured her "Besides I'm the employed one here and you're just a struggling Yale student so it'd be impolite if I let you pay."

"If you put it that way…" she said taking her hot dog with a smile "It sounds kinda nice, doesn't it?" she asked.

"What?"

"What you said. The struggling Yale student. Minus the whole struggling, being broke part." She said.

"Yeah, it certainly does." He agreed.

Silence.

"Need some help with those?" he finally asked pointing at her bags.

"No, I'll be alright. I don't wanna distract you with my incurable shopping addiction. I blame mom for that completely. Anyway, you probably have your own work to do, places to be…"

"Actually, I don't." he said, cutting her of.

"Oh." was all she said.

"So, how about you give me some of those bags? I can help you carry them to wherever you're staying."

"Fine." she agreed as they shared the bags equally so she had one hand free to eat her launch. She started walking down the street trying to determine in which direction the hotel was as he followed close behind.

"Déjà vu?" she said.

"Huh?"

"This, you and me at the Big Apple."

"Are you saying that just to annoy me?" he asked, amused grin on his face.

"Nope. I just think it's cute. NYC is kinda cool and a little cold but when you call it Big Apple it sounds more…homey."

"I can't believe you just said that."

She looked at him accusingly. "Let's just forget it."

After two blocks she was walking with turtle speed since her feet hurt like hell and he decided to make her the offer he's been thinking about for the last couple of minutes. "Do you have to get back to your hotel right now?"

"Not really. Why?"

"I was thinking to show you this record store but since the whole déjà vu what do you think about something different, like maybe a cup of coffee?"

Her eyes lit up at the mention of java and more importantly, a break for her and her feet.

"Well, I never refuse a coffee offer, especially if it's free. Plus, I have to admit something."

"What is that?"

"I'm lost." She stated seriously.

"What do you mean lost?" he asked stopping for a moment.

"Just what I said. Is there some other meaning of lost that I'm not aware of?"

"Maybe." He said, trying to stay serious but failing miserably.

"It's really not that funny. I have no idea how to get back to my hotel, or money to pay for a cab or anything else for that matter..."

"Jeez, can you stop for a second? Look, let's just get that coffee because apparently you really need it before you get an emotional breakdown and then we'll take the subway to your hotel. Where are you staying?"

"Ritz." She said finishing up her hot dog.

"I should've seen that one coming." He said with a smirk.

"It wasn't my choice, trust me."

"Let me guess. Emily?"

She nodded in agreement as they walked into a restaurant choosing to sit in a small booth by the window.

"I didn't know there were places like this here." She commented.

"It's not really big but it's cool. And it's close to my apartment so I come here a lot."

"It's so quiet. Perfect for an afternoon getaway. A little break from the city rush and work and all the problems. It makes me wanna take some good book out and order a cup of coffee and just sit here for hours, you know?"

"Yeah." He did know. In fact that was exactly what he did most of the time.

"So how's everything with you?"

"Can't complain. You?"

"It's good."

"Glad to hear it."

"A lot of work with Yale and the newspaper though."

"You know, I read the article you did for Hartford Times."

"Oh, I kinda hoped no one saw that. The editor there saw that article at Yale Daily News and asked if he could put it there. It was nothing really."

"No, I think it's good. Maybe a little rough on the edges but it's good, great actually for someone who's still in collage. You got the talent for writing."

"I dunno. I think it could've been better."

"Not everything can be perfect all the time. But that's journalism. The important thing is to present the facts, tell the truth no matter what you think about the subject."

"Maybe."

"No, it is like that. Knowing you, you probably worked day and night to get it together."

"I did pull a couple of all-nighters." She admitted.

"And why am I not surprised?" he said, quirking an eyebrow.

"And mom put it on the fridge as soon as it got out and she bragged about it to everyone like it was a Pulitzer Prize or something."

"Nothing new there either."

"Guess not. What about you and the new book you're writing? Still can't believe you're really doing that by the way."

"It's going slow these days."

"But it's going."

"Yeah." he confirmed.

"It'll be great. I know it."

"Maybe it will when it finally gets published in like ten years."

"Well, that's not a lot considering that some books took twenty, thirty years to publish."

"That's comforting to hear." He said standing up to go pay their bill.

He walked up to the counter as the guy behind the counter greeted him.

"So who's the girl?" I thought you were seeing Jen."

"Just an old friend, Ben."

"You sure about that?" his friend asked.

He turned in the direction of their table glancing at her briefly. She had that curious look on her face like some five year old on Christmas morning as she was reading some book she bought earlier and he thought how he could watch her like this all day long. And how nice would it be to sit with her here every afternoon reading and talking about the most trivial subjects. Pushing the thought away he turned back to Ben.

"Yeah. Just friends." He repeated his previous words.

She was just putting back to the bag one of the books she bought this morning as her cell phone rang for the hundredth time today. She looked at the ID seeing it was him again.

Looking up at Jess who was coming back to the table she smiled and turned the phone off.

---------

"You know this subway thing is really cheap considering the rip of that cab ride is. If I knew that a few hours ago I'd save a LOT of money."

"They both have their advantages."

"No, but 2 dollars for subway is like nothing compared to ten times that much for the cab, at least. How come I didn't realize that sooner?"

"You'd probably have to live here for a few years to figure it all out. You did pretty well for these what two, three days? Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Two." She confirmed and then after a brief silence added "You know I always admired you for managing in a big city. I don't know if I could."

"Here's our stop." He said as they got of the subway and out on the street.

They walked up to the hotel in silence and he gave her back the rest of her bags. She took them and then pulled something out.

"Here." She offered.

It was a book.

He took it and read the title. For whom the bell tolls by Ernest Hemingway.

"I bought it today for myself, but I think you should have it since you really need to read something other than Oliver Twist." She explained "It's sort of a thank you for saving me today."

"Oh, you think I didn't read this before?"

"I know you did but I hope not as many times as Dickens."

"I wouldn't bet on it."

"But you should have it. I don't have time for reading any War and Peace wannabe anyway considering how hectic school is these days."

"So you think he was trying to…"

"Let's not even go there now."

"You stepped into a dangerous territory yourself, not me."

"Yes, but that would just open a never ending discussion and I need to go pack right now, not in five days. But thanks for helping me out again."

"Yeah."

He looked at her eyes. He didn't even notice how close they were actually standing. Closer then they've been ever since… And she smelled nice, like vanilla perfume and fresh coffee and all he wanted to do was kiss her.

She smiled back, lost in the moment and then with a quick bye walked up to the hotel entrance.

"Rory…"

She turned around to look at him.

"Sorry for the other day. I didn't mean…" he started as she interrupted him.

"It's okay. I understand." She said.

He nodded in agreement, putting his hands in the pockets.

As she disappeared behind the tall front door he didn't move looking at the place she was standing at moments ago. And he felt something. Something he thought he lost a long time ago.

Hope.

It was strange and scary at the same time. Ever since he could remember people have failed him, and he learned a long ago that in order to survive he shouldn't trust anyone but himself. But then he met her, and she taught him it was okay to hope and to let your guard down once in awhile. And he did only to end up learning the lesson he already knew once again. Only this time the price was too high to pay. And he promised himself he'd never make a mistake like that again.

But the smirk that appeared on his face that turned into a small smile was a proof that that promise was broken. With a shrug he turned around and walked down the street in the opposite direction from hotel, her book in his hand.

tbc

_Sugestions? Comments? Press that button in the corner and tell me what you think!_


	9. Its fun to lose and to pretend

_**Dislaimer: **__See chapter 1._

_**A/N**__: So I've been really really busy lately, just started my second year at collage so I have zero free time. I'll try to update as soon as possible, but right now here's another chapter, a little longer than usual to make up for the wait. So hope you enjoy. And don't forget to review and tell me what you think!_

_()_

**Ch9: It's fun to lose and to pretend**

"_Do you like it?"_

"It's beautiful." And it was. Expensive and breathtaking but it wasn't what she wanted.

"_Good. Cause I wasn't really sure if it's the right one. I spend hour and a half deciding what to do. And if you said that it was wrong I would…"_

"It's great. It's just that…" And it was great. Pale blue. Exactly the color to go with her eyes, and just the right length. She guessed it coasted more than half of the clothes in her closet combined.

But it wasn't what she wanted.

"It's just that…" she repeated "I thought you'll come here this weekend." There it was. She finally said it.

"_Me too. But as I explained to you I have a lot of work to do so I won't be able to make it before next Friday, Ace."_

"Fine."

"_Are you mad?"_

"No."

"_I know I promised to come tomorrow and I'm just as disappointed as you are about this."_

"Yeah I know. Next Friday it is then."

"_Absolutely. And I'm taking you to dinner in that dress."_

"We'll see about that." Was he aware of the fact that the wedding was in Stars Hollow?

"_I don't accept no for an answer."_

"As I said, we'll see."

"_As you wish."_

"Okay. Bye."

"_Bye."_

She put the phone on the table and looked at the two tickets for the movies for tomorrow night before dropping them into a trash can with a heavy sigh. Guess she had time for that studying session with Paris tomorrow after all.

~lit~

"So, once again, dehydrogenases are used as enzymes for the oxidation and reduction of carbonyl groups, respectively alcohols. The enzymes are mostly NAD(P)H-dependent. For the reduction of aldehydes and ketones, baker yeast is often used. And…"

"Paris, we have been over this four times now. Do you really think it's necessary to repeat it once more?" Rory asked.

They were sitting on the couch in Paris's apartment studying for the last two hours.

"I don't want to fail my exam and jeopardize my entire future just because you were too lazy to help me out and got through the questions more than once."

"You are a pre med student, not me and I can't hear any more of the chemistry related definitions. If I wanted that I'd sign up for a chemistry class and since I didn't…"

"I helped you out with your classes last week."

"Yeah, but I didn't ask you to test me with the same questions five times in a row!"

"What if we take a break for like twenty minutes and then go over the more important questions one more time?" she offered.

"Fine. But what's with you these days? I mean I know you like to have everything perfect and all, but this is too much even for you. Something must've happened."

"Do you think I like to control things too much?"

"What?"

"Doyle and I had a fight last night. Apparently he thinks I need to give him more space."

"I don't wanna get into your relationship but from what I've seen you give him enough space, thank you very much."

"Well, I thought that too, and he said…"

"And you guys are together so you are supposed to spent time with him and if he isn't fine with that then he needs to look up a definition of a relationship in the dictionary."

"Exactly. Although I must admit I was a little nervous with the school start and all and so I may have exaggerated a little…"

"I don't know. But I don't think that's like a bad thing, that you wanna spend more time with your boyfriend."

"Wait a minute? Why'd I ask you for advice about that? I mean, don't get me wrong but you call Logan like every five minutes and I wouldn't like to be on your place when you get your phone bill."

"I don't call him that often. Besides he's in London which is a totally different situation."

"Yeah right."

"Well, it is."

"Only I don't know if you're calling because you miss him or to make sure he didn't meet some tall English blonde journalist there?"

"Okay, one more word and you can say goodbye to me helping you with the organic chemistry."

"I was just saying…" she started as Rory looked at her warningly "But let's get back to important things now."

"Yeah, let's do that."

~lit~

She sat on her couch with her favorite blanket covering her feet as she drank the rest of her coffee in one gulp. The last ten minutes she'd been switching through channels trying to find anything even remotely good to watch but came up empty. If it wasn't that late she'd probably pick up her car keys and drive off to Stars Hollow and have a movie night with her mom since she didn't have classes in the morning anyway. But when she visited her at the Inn yesterday afternoon after spending the entire morning at Paris's they agreed that she'll come to her apartment to bring her the bridesmaid dress tomorrow so she was stuck here.

She picked up the book she was reading for her English class but put it down after ten minutes deciding to make a phone call instead. She dialed the number she came to memorize very well in the last couple of days. After a brief silence the phone started to ring.

After a third ring she was about to hang up thinking it was late anyway and he'd probably fallen asleep when someone picked up.

"Hallo?"

_~flashback~_

"_Alright, you've been searching through that bag for hours now. Did you really buy me something or is this one of those stalling tactics to get more time to walk out of the house unnoticed when I don't watch so I wouldn't kill you?"_

_Rory gave her the look._

"_No, it's not. I did buy you something you've been looking for quite some time now and you're going to owe me big time as soon as I find it in this mess." _

"_Then tell me what it is."_

"_No way."_

"_See? If you actually DID buy me something nice you'd tell me what it is but since you don't wanna tell me I'm absolutely sure you're just staling."_

"_Go do something useful, like make us some coffee before I get really annoyed and decide to give your gift to Miss Patty."_

"_Ha, so you're saying that whatever you bought me is big enough for Patty? If that's the case then I don't want it."_

"_Mom! Go to the kitchen right now."_

"_Someone's being bossy these days."_

_Rory looked at her, annoyed look on her face._

"_I'm going, I'm going." Lorelai finally got up and walked to the kitchen._

_Rory sat on the sofa in the living room at her home in Stars Hollow unpacking the bags and searching for the dark red sweater she bought for her mom that would go perfectly with her black knee length skirt. As she dropped one of the empty bags on the floor she saw a small peace of paper land on the floor on the other end of the room. _

_She chose to ignore it but the curiosity got the best of her and she got up and knelt down to pick it up. There was something written on it and as she examined it carefully recognizing the messy handwriting. _

'_If you ever need someone to show you around the 'Big Apple' or to discuss Hemmingway or anything really…you have my number. - A friend'_

_She flipped the paper to find a phone number written there. There was no signature or anything that could tell her who it was but she knew anyway. She knew it was him. He must've slipped it in the bag when she was in the bathroom when they were at the restaurant._

_Just then Lorelai walked in with no coffee in hand._

"_What's that?" she asked glancing at the paper in her hand._

_Rory looked at her for a brief moment and then at the paper "Nothing." She said as she folded it and put the paper in the back pocket of her jeans. "Nothing at all."_

"_Where's coffee?"_

"_I forgot to buy it yesterday."_

"_Imagine that."_

"_Well, since you don't come home that often now I almost never drink coffee here." Lorelai explained._

"_Luke's?"_

"_Luke's it is." She agreed._

_With that they both walked towards the door and to their favorite place in town. _

_~flashback~_

It's been a couple of days since then and she'd talked to him at least four times by now so it was a logical choice to call him to break the ever present silence that lurked in her apartment these days.

"Hi."

"Hey."

"Did I wake you up?"

"Nope."

"So, what are you up to these days?"

"Nothing much."

"There's no such thing as doing nothing."

"Writing slash typing. Satisfied?"

"Thank you for being kind enough to answer such a simple question for me." she says in amusement.

"What can I say? I had to seeing how excited about me doing nothing you were."

"Small things make me happy." She said.

"I can see that. And what're you doing?"

"Reading slash playing with the remote control."

"Hemmingway again?" he asked.

"I wish. Some school assignment."

"I didn't know Rory Gilmore found any school related things boring." he said, smirk playing on his lips.

"Well, that Rory was way to naïve and she considered all this to be fun. Guess what? Not even close. Unless you consider spending your every weekend buried in books fun."

"I thought you did."

"Back then maybe, but I take that back now. When this semester is done I don't wanna see a book anywhere near me."

"Wow, you're really worked up about that."

"Yeah, I am. But let's just change the subject."

"I'm with you on that one."

"So…read anything good lately?"

"Not really. But I could use that 'Writing for dummies' book right about now."

"I'm sure it's not that bad." she assured him.

"Believe me when I say it is."

"I'm absolutely sure it'll be even better than the last one."

"If you say so…"

"I do. And Jess…"

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you want to come to the wedding?" she finally asked, waiting for his answer in silence.

"Who told you that?"

"Luke. I kind of asked him."

"And why would you do that?"

"I don't know. Just interested, I guess."

"Well then you know I told him I'll be busy for that particular weekend so I can't come to Stars Hollow." He explained quickly.

"Yeah, but what's the real reason?" she insisted.

_You know what's the reason_, he wanted to say. It amazed him at times how oblivious she was to some things. Especially the ones concerning the two of them.

"That is the real reason. Can you just drop it?"

"Fine." She agreed, a little too quickly.

"I'm gonna go now, let you get back to your boring reading."

"I think I'll leave that for tomorrow."

"You know, the longer you postpone it the smaller are the chances you'll actually read it. So I'd say get right to it."

"I might do that."

"You should."

"Maybe." She said, suppressing a yawn. She forgot it was this late.

"Have fun at the wedding."

There was a brief moment of silence.

"I wouldn't count on that one now since mom is already freaking about how she'll fall down the isle or how she'll look fat in her dress. You know the usual 'big day' things and I, of course, will be the one to make sure everything is perfect. So I don't think fun is included there, for me at least."

She's rambling and he can't help but laugh at the familiarity of the situation. She always did that when she was nervous about something.

"Could you like slow down for a minute here? You're great at crisis situations. So I'm sure it'll be fine."

"Hope so."

~lit~

She walked into the apartment, unlocking it with the key he gave her a month ago. It was early in the morning, barely 8 am and she was sure he wasn't up yet. She should've had class at 8 but it got canceled due to the fact that professor went to some business trip so she was free until noon. Considering her options she decided to go to his place simply since it was closer to the university. And she really wanted to see him.

She walked into the living room and dropped her bag on the sofa surprised to find him asleep on the couch with book on his chest and a phone in hand. Making a mental note to ask him about that later, she crossed the short distance to the kitchen to make something for breakfast.

Half an hour later, she took the two plates with eggs and carried them to the table in the living room. She returned to the kitchen to take two cups of fresh coffee and then went to eat her breakfast seeing he was finally awake.

"Hey you." She greeted as he looked at her in confusion.

"Class got canceled so I thought I'd make you a decent breakfast." She explained.

Pulling his hand through his messy hair he sat up putting a book and a phone to the table.

"You didn't have to do that." he said before walking to the bathroom to take a shower.

She was finishing up her eggs when he returned, dressed up, towel in hand, the water from his hair dripping to the floor. He wiped it quickly and joined her, taking the offered cup of coffee.

"And…"

"And what?"

"How's breakfast?"

"Good."

"Just good?" she teased.

"It's great." he supplied.

"That's better." she said with a smile "So you find the couch more comfortable than your bed or what?"

"Why'd you think that?"

"Well, this is like the third time I find you sleeping here."

"I must've fell asleep reading."

"And the phone?

He considered the answer for a second and then "Mike called last night."

"Isn't he with Sara, visiting her parents?"

Dammit. "Yeah, but he…"

"You talked to her, didn't you?" she cut him off.

He ate his breakfast without saying a word, as she looked at him without moving.

"Jess? Are you even listening to me?"

"Of course."

"I just asked you something."

"She called. We talked. It was nothing."

"You talked to your ex-girlfriend and you say it was 'nothing'?"

"Because it was nothing. She has a boyfriend. And we just talked. It's not like we did anything wrong."

"God, you're so difficult sometimes!"

"We're just friends." He assured her.

"You didn't say that that night at the bar while you were finishing up your fifth drink."

"So you want me to stop talking to her, is that it?"

"No, but you can't just…" she hesitated for a moment and then "Do you even care about me?" she asked raising up from the couch.

He put his coffee down finally looking up, his eyes meeting hers.

"How can you even ask me that?"

"Just answer the question."

Her face was expressionless. Focused. It was now or never.

"Of course I do."

"Then why can't you tell me what's going on with you? You're always fine or good. And then you spend the entire night staring at some book without saying a word. Why can't you talk to me?"

He looked at her, obviously surprised by her comment.

"You want me to talk to you. Fine." He gave in "Yesterday, when I was going back from the editor I saw her, okay? We talked, no making out included, and that was it. Happy?" he stood there still compensating what he just said, the words hanging in the air heavily.

She stared at him. Speechless.

"You saw her today?" she said finally, her voice barely a whisper.

"Yep."

"And you were planning to tell me that when?"

"I don't know. It wasn't that important."

"It wasn't important?" she repeated, letting out a bitter laugh. "Great."

How could he be so blind?

"You know what, I'm not hungry any more. I got to go to work." He said taking his jacket and going for the door.

"Jess?"

He didn't stop or turned around. The only thing she heard was the door slamming as she sat down on the couch with a sigh, silence around her defeating.

How come he couldn't see it? It was still about that other girl. A girl he talked about all damn night when she first met him, barely managing to sit straight. She was the reason for all his nights of drinking, wondering. She was the only one who could break him.

And nothing could change that. Not time, not her, not anyone else. She realized that now.

She wasn't the girl he loved but just a temporary distraction.

tbc


	10. No one said it was easy

_Disclaimer: Don't own anything. And I borrowed a chapter title from a Coldplay song._

_AN: Sorry for the wait, I was super busy these days but I'll try to update as soon as I can. Thanks to everyone who reviewed._

_Betharino – no actually I haven't so I guess it was just a coincidence (but I'll definitely check it out when I get some free time). _

~lit~

**Ch10: No one said it was easy…**

"Vodka, clear. And make it a double." he ordered sitting down at the free barstool, as he run a hand through his hair.

"Wh…wait a minute, haven't you said you aren't doing that anymore?"

"I said no such thing."

"Yeah, you did."

"Okay, maybe I did, but you're a bartender and you have to respect the customers order so…can I get my drink now?" Jess said.

"It's 10 am. People don't drink heavy liquor at 10 am." he explained and looked at Jess with a look that said he wasn't gonna just let this go "Alright, what happened?"

"Nothing."

"It's about that girl you were here with the other night, isn't it?"

"No."

"Right."

"Jen and I had a fight." he explained.

"About the girl."

"Why do you keep bringing that up?" he asked, clearly annoyed.

"Because I know I'm right."

Jess didn't say anything this time.

"See, it's my job to know that kind of thing." he continued "I'm a bartender here for like what, three years now? You pick up on that, working here. I've seen a lot. And when I say it's about a girl it's because it is."

"Rory."

"What?

"The girl's name."

"So it is about a girl."

Jess sighed, rolling his eyes.

"We dated years ago and she showed up in town a couple of days ago. We talked and kind of decided to stay in touch. So she called last night to tell me about her moms wedding and then Jen went all jealous on me this morning about it."

Ben listened to him carefully without interrupting.

"And trust me when I say this, we're just friends."

"But can you really blame her for it?"

"It's not like I wanted any of this. I was honest with her from the start, and believe me if there was something going on between me and Rory I'd tell her. I owe her at least that."

"So you admit you're into this other girl?"

Jess didn't say anything. Ben shook his head knowingly.

"I can tell you one thing. I wouldn't love to be in your place, man." he paused "So, coffee?" he offered.

"You serious?"

"Okay, a beer. But that's it."

"Fine."

~lit~

She sat at one of the tables by the window, hands wrapped around the warm cup of coffee, looking outside. It was still early and the air outside was cool because of the morning fog, though the first sun rays were starting to show behind the clouds assuring her it would be a nice sunny day. But for now she was grateful for the coffee that kept her hands worm as she was dressed only in her light blue sweater which, she realized all too late, will not keep her worm this early in the morning.

Her hands played with the two silver rings that her mom and Luke picked out for their wedding. Sure, TJ was supposed to be the one to worry about them since he was the best man after all. But Lorelai convinced Luke it was better to give them to her, unless they were up to searching for the rings five minutes before the ceremony just because TJ forgot to bring them or 'accidentally' slipped them down the drain or something.

There was just one more day left until the ceremony and Luke wasn't working today due to obvious reasons. Caesar was in the storage room organizing the shelves before the opening and so she had no choice but to get up and refill her coffee on her own. She sat back on her place, her mind drifting away. She had so much to do today that she almost regretted not making herself a list so she wouldn't forget anything. It was something she did a lot when she was younger.

Logan has arrived to Stars Hollow last night and they both agreed he should sleep at the Inn since the house was a huge mess. She wanted to talk to him about everything that happened in the last couple of days but didn't get a chance to since Luke invited them for dinner last night and so she was forced to postpone it. And so they agreed to meet for breakfast and she was looking forward to it. That was a perfect opportunity for the uninterrupted talk face to face, no phones included.

Later she had to meet with Lane to go and arrange everything at her house since they were planning to have a little girls' night in with the drinks and snacks and maybe a couple of movies, their version of a bachelorette party.

So she had a crazy day to face and she knew these few moments of silence were just the thing she needed to prepare for all the work she had ahead.

Just as she lowered her cup on the table, finishing up the last of her coffee, the door bell jingled announcing the first costumer of the day and she dropped one of the rings on the floor, cursing herself for such clumsiness. She bent down under the table to pick it up.

"You know, I had my doubts about this but seeing how good you are with the whole best man duty I guess I chose right by coming here."

She got the ring from the floor and sat up quickly, hitting her head at the bottom of the table. She winced in pain placing her free hand at the sore spot. The thought of how ridiculous she looked sitting on the floor with her hair all messed up (she planned to wash it after breakfast at the Inn because she didn't have time this morning) and a painful look on her face, kept playing in her head.

Standing up quickly she looked at the person in front of her, confirming her doubts about who the mystery costumer was. He looked a little tired and amused, the unmistakable smirk shoving on his lips. His hands were placed in his jeans pockets in a casual fashion as he stood leaning slightly on the door.

She tried to think of something smart to say but her head was killing her so she blamed the table for her incapacity to form any intelligent thought. All she managed to do was stand there like an idiot and hope this was a short-term thing.

"Hi." _Way to go, Gilmore._

"You all right there?"

Funny, she wanted to ask him the same thing. She didn't know why but he looked different somehow. She had a million questions to ask him, but who was she to pry into his personal life?

"I think I need to sit down for a moment." she announced.

"Yeah, I think that too." he agreed as she walked up to the same chair she's been sitting on for the last half an hour and sat down.

He went behind the counter leaving her there only to get back with a bag of ice for her head. He handed it to her and sat on the free chair.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

She put the ice on her head as the uncomfortable silence set between them.

"So…you came." she said looking up.

"Yeah."

"How so?"

"Didn't have anything better to do." was his only explanation.

"Oh. Then I guess I should give you these." she said handing him the box with the rings.

"Right. So where is Luke?"

"Upstairs, avoiding TJ."

"Why's that?" he asked.

"TJ's the best man."

"Well than maybe there was no need for my presence here after all."

"No, you did a good thing coming here. A _really_ good thing. Luke might even thank you personally."

"That bad, huh?"

"You'd be surprised."

"I should probably go and tell him I'm here then."

"Yeah, I have to go too." she said standing up and walking to the door "Oh, I almost forgot. Since Luke's probably not working today maybe you could fill in, help Caesar out. He looked rather nervous about working the place alone. I'd help but I have a million chores to finish today. "

"And here I was thinking I finally moved up from my diner job."

"How foolish of you. Naïve even. I thought you knew better than that." She said in a mocking voice.

"I should get to business then."

"It's for a good cause."

"Just hope I won't break anything."

"I don't think so. You know what they say."

"What is that?"

"It's like riding a bike. Once you've learned it you'll never forget it."

"Yeah." he agreed as she walked out.

He took of his jacket and put it in the back and then went to pick up her cup from the table. He watched her walk down the street as he thought back of the previous morning…

_~flashback~_

_He was standing there, staring at the door, building up the courage to knock for the last five minutes. His hands were starting to sweat but he couldn't bring himself to take them out of the pockets and knock on the damn door. He didn't want this for them. And he had to do something. He had to fix this. _

_So he knocked. Once. Twice. No answer._

_He was about to knock for the fourth time when the doors finally opened. She looked up at him and went to close the door but he stopped her by putting a foot between the door and the doorstep._

"_We need to talk."_

"_No we don't."_

"_Please, Jen. You owe me that much." and when she realized she really doesn't he added "You owe us." which was less of a lie, if nothing more._

_She didn't say anything but just opened the door and he stepped into her room. He sat down on the couch thankful that her roommate wasn't there so they had the place for themselves._

"_So…"_

"_I'm not good at this. Talking." Some things you never grow out of._

"_I see that. But you wanted to talk to me. I'm listening." she said standing in front of him, arms crossed._

"_It's just…I was wrong. I should've told you. Everything."_

"_And…"_

"_But I didn't think it was that important. I really didn't."_

"_Well, if it wasn't that important, why did you feel you had to hide it from me?" she demanded._

"_I didn't…I just wasn't thinking. I care about you and I want this to work."_

"_Jess…"_

"_No, don't say anything. Just…give us another chance." he said standing up._

_She looked him straight in the eyes, knowing he meant it. He raised his hand up, pulling a strand of her hair behind her ear._

"_I will…"_

_He took a deep breath, relieved. "You won't regret it."_

"_Jess, I love you." She said, tears building up in her eyes._

"_Jen…"_

_She looked at him taking his hand into hers. "Can you say the same?"_

"_I…like you a lot." He said as he felt her hand slip out of his. "You're a great person. And you did so much for me and…"_

"_Yeah, but that's all there is."_

"_It's not. Me and Rory…it's just the past, something that happened a long time ago. She has another guy. But you and I…that's today, that's real."_

"_But you love her."_

"_I just…"_

"_Don't try to deny it. I've been there too, remember?"_

"_Jen…" He hated this. He hated seeing tears in her eyes, the tears he caused._

"_And now you know why I can't give us another chance."_

"_Don't do this."_

"_Better now then in two years, right?"_

"_I'm sorry." he said and it was the truth, maybe the only one he said tonight._

"_Me too. Me too."_

_She said as they stood in the room, a foot from each other but it seemed like miles. He hated himself for doing this. For not being able to move on. For hurting someone he cared about so much because he still loved someone who didn't think twice about him. _

_And finally he was able to admit something to himself. He did love Rory, but it was an uneasy feeling that left a bitter taste in his mouth because he knew it will always be a one way thing. Like a walk through the desert, you go on even though you know there's nothing waiting for you ahead. _

_~flashback~_

He let go of that empty cup of coffee before he squeezed it to the point of breaking, as it fell to the table with a thud that brought him back to reality. Jen's tearful face and those big sad eyes made it extra hard to focus back to the ketchup and mustard that needed to be refilled. He was almost glad he chose to come to Stars Hollow. If nothing else, it would serve as a good distraction from all the mess inside his head.

~lit~

She walked to the front desk of the Inn and after seeing that no one was there she took the spare key for the room 12 and headed upstairs. Walking past a few doors she finally arrived to her destination and put the key in the lock opening the door slowly. Her first option was knocking but she knew very well he wasn't awake yet and so she chose the second option instead.

Entering inside she found his bag lying near the door, unzipped, with most of the stuff inside and she smiled. He never was in a rush to unpack, so used to living in bags by now. Passing the sofa where his shirt and jacket were placed she almost tripped over his shoes and he opened his eyes at the noise.

"Hi."

"Hey." he said, when he finally registered that she was in the room.

"We agreed to go to breakfast? Remember?"

"Oh, I know. It's just that I didn't know I should've turned on my alarm clock to ring at 7am."

"Well, I did say _breakfast_, not launch. And you better get up and get ready cause I have tons of things to do today."

"And you managed to squeeze me in your busy schedule. I'm honored, Ace."

"You better not joke around with me right now, mister." She said sitting on the bed next to him.

"Nice hairstyle."

"Oh, don't even go there."

"I was giving you a compliment."

"Well, you better skip those 'compliments' and get up."

"And what will I get if I do that?"

"I dunno." she said playfully biting her lover lip "Maybe this."

With that she leaned in and kissed him lightly on the lips.

"Okay, now I'm up." he said standing up and going for the bathroom "I'm just gonna take a shower and then we'll work on that a little more."

"Maybe." she said as he closed the bathroom door.

She stood up from the bed and walked up to his suitcase, opening it to take out a light blue shirt for him to wear and then went to the sofa taking his pants to put them on the bed by the shirt when something fell out of the pocket on the ground. She put the pants on the bed and leaned down to get his cell phone checking if it was okay or if it got damaged by the fall.

She set on the bed in boredom after making sure that the cell phone was in one piece. Flipping it open she scanned his pictures, smiling at the one of the two of them where they were making faces, that Colin took at his going away party. And somehow, after all this she thought how they can survive this. Sure he had his flows, just like everyone else. And maybe they didn't agree on some things but they were good together. She was sure that this weekend would put things back in place for them.

She was never the one to go through other people's things, or check other people's massages (especially when it came to her boyfriends) but she knew Logan would be in the bathroom for at least 15 minutes and she had nothing better to do. Besides, he wouldn't mind. Opening the messages folder she smiled once again seeing that all the messages were from her, more than forty of them. He saved them all. There were a couple from Colin and Finn, but then one particular caught her eyes, and somehow the curiosity got the best of her and she pressed the open button. Hesitantly she began to read and with every passing second her face got paler, tears welling up in her eyes. By the time she finished the tears were falling freely down her cheeks and she dropped the phone on the bed almost running for the door.

Just then Logan walked out of the bathroom in time to see her opening the door. She didn't turn around as he called out her name. She just closed the door as his eyes went back to the bed and the opened the cell phone. He picked it up to see what it was that upset her that much.

_I know you said it was nothing but we need to talk about this, Logan. We kissed. And I know you said it was because you were drunk but I don't think that was why it happened. I like you. A lot actually. And we need to talk. Call me. Rachel._

He dropped the phone in a similar fashion as she did moments ago and went to look for her. As he walked out of his room and went through the hallway he realized she was long gone.

_Thank you for reading. Please review._


	11. Far away from close

_AN: Here's a next chapter, a little late, I know, but my computer decided it was the right time to crash so...and if you add school to that you have one really late update. I know this chapter is shorter then the other ones but to make up for it I'll try to get the next one finished as soon as possible. And, of course, I don't own GG and the chapter title is from a song by Butch Walker._

_Hope you enjoy and don't forget to review and tell me what you think._

()

**CH11: Far Away From Close**

She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't.

This isn't gonna be about her. It was about her mother. It was her weekend. Her wedding tomorrow. And after that...we'll see. But today she was gonna wipe those tears away and get into that living room with a smile. And forget about that need to break down and cry, scream, yell at herself for being such a fool. Twice.

Yes, she was gonna smile. And take those snacks to Lorelai and Paris.

With that thought she walked into the living room, snacks in hand, and stopped by the coffee table placing the snacks down. Scanning the small room she decided to sit on the floor near the couch that served as the great place to lean on. Lorelai was just telling the girls the story of how she and Luke first met and although everyone knew the story very well, they all listened in silence, absorbing every single word.

To her, the real life love story was the last thing she needed right now, when even holding back the tears that threatened to fall every second became a task she was afraid she might fail at. The message she read this morning was engraved into her mind and she couldn't seem to escape it no matter how hard she tried. The thing that surprised her was not the fact that Logan has cheated on her (again), but the fact that she wasn't hurt that much by the thought that he may have not loved her enough to be faithful to her after all. Her teary eyes were more a result of the anger that was slowly building up inside of her. And that anger was not aimed towards her boyfriend of almost two years but towards herself. Because, no matter how stupid and illogical it sounded, she was the one who forgave him in the first place giving him this chance to hurt her again.

"And I took his horoscope from the newspaper and wrote him down 'you will meet an annoying woman today. Give her coffee and she'll go away.' Then I went and gave the paper to him. He looked at it with that cute annoyed look on his face and he gave me coffee."

"And eight years later…you didn't go away. Actually, just the contrary. Got to love the irony there." Sookie commented as everyone laughed.

Looking at the smile on Lorelai's face she wondered if she'd ever be in that position, happy with the knowledge that the guy she loved will be hers from tomorrow until the rest of their lives. She didn't know what the future held for her, but she did know she wasn't ready to tell her mother what happened and to hear hers 'I told you so' today. But she was ready for that glass of red wine Lane handed her. She gladly accepted it as Lorelai raised her own to make a toast. She stopped for a second to think and that shortly said "For love. And guys who make us coffee."

Rory took a long sip of her drink surprising the urge to let out a bitter laugh.

~lit~

To say that Luke was surprised to see his only nephew in his diner, in Stars Hollow would be the understatement of the year. But after rationally thinking this through he was left with only one logical conclusion of why he was here. So he asked him the question that was on his mind "So who died?"

After looking at Luke with a rather comical expression on his face, Jess explained that that was not the reason for his sudden change of heart and that in fact everyone was doing just fine. On the other hand that was all he said and for Luke that was enough. He knew Jess enough to know he wasn't gonna tell him anything else, and persisting on an answer he would only get him to pack his bags and do the thing he always did: run. And then leave him stuck with TJ as his best men. He was ready to do _anything_ to avoid that from happening.

So he agreed that Jess could work in the diner today since he had some things to do before the big day tomorrow. Main task: make sure his suit was still in one piece at TJ's and convince him to drop the ridiculous idea of wearing that purple suit to the wedding. He was sure Lorelai would have a heart attack if she saw him dressed like that on the most important day of her life (after the day when Rory was born, as she once corrected him). And that's why he left the diner to Jess and Caesar.

Jess sat behind the counter, his worn out copy of Howl in hand. It was a rather slow night, and in the last two hours he barely saw three costumers, which was a little odd for a Saturday evening, but he accepted the offered opportunity for reading without questioning it.

That's why he was surprised to hear the bell above the door break the silence and his quiet moment as he faced no one other than Rory Gilmore herself. After a short glance he returned to his book without a word as she stood by the door, unsure whether to get inside or turn around and leave. After quick weighing of her options she decided to come in and sit on one of the stools, not far from him. That unfortunately, shoved up to be a hard thing to do as she stumbled and almost tripped over the same stool (what is it with Luke's and her clumsiness today?) only to be caught by his strong hands before she got a chance to get more acquainted with those cold and dirty diner tiles.

She looked up, their eyes meeting briefly, before standing up a little to quickly as she felt the whole room spin around her. Maybe that fifth glass of vine was a little too much.

He looked at her, worry written in his dark eyes. She offered him a reassuring smile and set down on the desired stool.

"You okay?"

"Me? Just peachy, thank you very much." she paused and then "Now, if you don't mind I'd like one coffee to go."

"Sure." he agreed, replacing the stale one with a fresh pot of water "It'll be ready in a minute." he informed her.

He returned to reading his book when he saw she was in the mood for small talk almost as much as he was, as she leaned on the counter in boredom, playing with her cell phone.

"Could you stop that?"

"What?"

"That childish playing with your cell phone."

"Oh, so you think I'm childish?"

"Right now, yeah I do."

"Well, everyone always says I was too serious in my teenage years so I might as well loosen up now and compensate for all the things I missed out on then. Live a little, you know?" She said, twirling her phone on the shiny surface, over and over again.

He put his hand over hers to stop it, making her to drop the phone on the counter. He looked her straight in the eyes as she froze, shocked by his move. She was all to aware that their hands were actually touching. His hands were cold against her warm skin.

"What is it with you tonight?" he asked, a little louder then he intended to.

That was enough for her to pull her hand from his and stand up cursing him for having that stupid habit of knowing her so well. "Nothing."

"Right. And it's normal for you to be totally wasted at 7 pm."

"I'm not wasted. I was at my mom's party and I drank a glass of wine, so what?"

He stepped from behind the counter, facing her. She didn't move, the fact that they were standing barely few feet away, making her senses hyper sensitive.

"So, that rich douche from Yale has finally pulled you into his own rich little world. I bet you two go to all the cool parties, drink a few martinis, maybe a glass or two of Crystal."

"It's not like that at all. And what about you coming here cause 'you have nothing better to do'? And I'm the one who's in denial. How about you do something like…I dunno tell me the truth for once."

"Rory…" he said her name in a pleading tone. He wanted to drop this. Now was not the time to have this conversation and he was sorry for ever starting it in the first place.

"What? Aren't we friends now? So I'd say I deserve to know a real reason."

"That is the truth. I had nothing better to do because my girlfriend of six months broke up with me."

She was rendered speechless. She did ask him for the truth, but to be honest she never thought he'd actually tell her anything. He was Jess after all. But more importantly he never mentioned that he had any girlfriend or that he was dating anyone. Not once, in all their conversations.

"And you want to know why it happened?"

She looked at him, her voice almost a whisper "Why?"

"Because she thought I still love this girl I dated in high school." He said looking at her, completely serious.

She gasped at his words, as the silence set between them. It was all out now, surprising not just her but also him. He was never the one to lay his feelings out in the open. But today he was done playing games with her. He wasted enough time on that already. Years actually.

She looked at him, at dark brown eyes that seemed almost black under a dim diner light thinking how this whole conversation must've been some delusion of hers. At the time when they were dating she practically needed a dictionary to define what he was thinking or feeling and here he was now…standing right in front of her, telling her he still had feelings for her.

She didn't know what to do, what to actually make of the situation that she was in.

"You know what; let's just forget this whole conversation ever happened." He finally said and his words didn't surprise her at all. This was more like the Jess she knew shutting down at any chance of her getting through.

She couldn't let that happen again.

"We're over. Logan and I…we're over." was all she said before she closed the gap between them and kissed him. For a moment they just stood like that, lips pressed together as he processed her words and the fact that she just kissed him and then he pulled her closer like he was afraid it was all a dream he was about to wake up from. But as he deepened the kiss, tasting her, pulling his hand through her soft curls he was sure it was real. Because any of the kisses he imagined they shared couldn't even come close to this one, in the middle of an old diner.

~lit~

Five minutes later they were slowly moving towards the stairs, choosing to continue their little make out session upstairs since Luke wasn't home anyway. Rory took of her jacket and threw it on the counter as they moved to the curtain when the sound of the long forgotten boiling water for her coffee broke of the moment.

They broke apart, staring at each other in confusion.

"I can't do this." Rory said, moving away from him, breathing heavily, her new lipstick now smeared. Walking up to the counter she took her jacket and fixed her hair the best she could.

And then she walked out leaving Jess with a thought that in this town…nothing ever changed at all. Except that this time, he wasn't the one who was running away.

(tbc)


	12. …no one said it would be this hard

_AN: Thank you so much for the feedback. Here's the next chapter. Enjoy! And of course, I'm not ASP so obviously I don't own GG._

()

**Ch12: …no one said it would be this hard**

She walked down the sidewalk towards her house, hands wrapped around her waist, absorbed in her own thoughts. She was trying hard to keep her eyes from blurring every couple of seconds and at the same time she was glad she had something to keep her focused. Something to keep her from thinking about Jess or Logan or anything else that was related to the subject. A thought how Patty and Babette were probably still at her house crossed her mind and she sighed. Her head was killing her and all she wanted was a good night of sleep and an aspirin, not a two hour conversation about Patty's third or fourth husband. On any other occasion it would be entertaining, interesting even, but right now it would be anything but that. The walk in the cold air sobered her up combined with the headache that was slowly making its appearance that all she wanted to do was get some sleep.

And she was afraid she wouldn't be able to keep the tears from falling if they stayed that long.

Opening the front door she quickly smoothed out her hair with her palms as she heard voices coming from the living room confirming her doubts. She sighed not at all happy with the thought of talking to Patty and Babette for the next two hours. Because of that she approached the living room slowly, considering what her chances to sneak into her room unnoticed were. But as she entered the room she realized the voice she heard was actually male. It sounded just like...

"Logan." she whispered as he looked up at her from the couch.

~lit~

Lorelai smiled and turned to her daughter "Honey, Logan came here half an hour ago and though I said you went for coffee, which to be honest, can take a while, especially cause its Luke's, I mean my soon to be husbands, coffee in question. But he was determined to wait for you here."

"Rory…" he started standing up, that pleading look in his eyes.

"I'll leave you guys to talk. I should've been in bed already anyway. But hey, no wedding's gonna stop me from staying up at least till midnight. Not even mine." Lorelai rambled going up the stairs "And Rory, don't forget to lock up, if you're not planning to stay here tonight."

"No, I'll be here." she assured her quickly.

When she was sure that Lorelai was long gone and they were alone she finally spoke up. "You should go Logan."

"Ace, I can't go because you and I need to talk about this. I…"

"I don't care what you have to say." she cut him of "Go home. And I don't mean home as the Inn, but London or your parents place, whatever works for you. Just go." she said gripping her coat tight.

"I don't want to go. I want to explain to you what happened."

"Look, I'm tired. And all I want to do is sleep this off and forget it ever happened at all."

"I know, but that thing with Rachel...We were both drunk and all of a sudden she kissed me. But that was all. I know I made a mistake but I'm ready to do anything to make it up to you."

She didn't plan on doing this, thinking it would be better to talk when she is perfectly awake and sober but hearing him say these words, she couldn't help but let out a bitter laugh. Guess she wasn't the only one living in a denial.

"Logan, a mistake is when you multiply two numbers wrong, or when you put too much salt in your mashed potatoes. Cheating on your girlfriend definitely doesn't fit into that category. If you didn't know that, you should've looked it up in Webster's dictionary under infidelity and then come and talk to me."

"Listen, that day my father called to tell me that he thinks it would be good for me to stay in London for another year. And he was talking about it completely ignorant to the fact that even agreeing to his first proposal was not something I easily accepted. I missed you and I knew I couldn't stay one more whole year being miles apart. And I was upset so I went to this party and got drunk and that's how it happened. I'm sorry that I hurt you and I'm sorry for the way you found out. But I never told you about it because it didn't mean anything." he explained.

She understood him in a way. She knew how difficult it was for him, with his dad and his bug expectations and everything else. But is this how it'll always be? Is she gonna have to lock him up every time he gets into a fight with his dad or his family in general so he wouldn't go out and do something stupid?

"So that should make it all right? _You're sorry_?"

"It's not, but it's a beginning and I know it won't be easy to trust me again but can you just promise me one thing."

"What is that?"

"Promise me you'll think about this. I love you. _You_, not some woman who thinks she's on top of the world because she's the main editor of some newspapers most people here never even heard of."

"But then again you had no problem with making out with that exact woman." she added, sarcasm dripping on her every word.

"Ace…"

"Just go Logan." She was a broken record.

"Not before you promise me that."

"Fine, I'll think about it." She was ready to say anything at this point just to get him out of here. Because if he stayed a second longer she was sure she'd hit him or do something she'd regret later.

"Alright." he agreed softly.

With that he leaned in to kiss her but she turned her head and his lips brushed over her pale cheek. He tried to catch her eyes but she persistently looked at that old dried ketchup stain on the carpet. After she heard the door slam she closed her eyes tightly, letting out a breath she didn't know she was holding. And then she walked to the couch and lied down in her coat, closing her eyes, tears felling down her cheeks freely.

~lit~

She didn't want to wake up, her eyelids heavy under the make up she forgot to clean up last night. But she knew she couldn't afford that luxury today. So she opened her eyes feeling a little disoriented as she realized where she actually was. She immediately sat up, not wanting to stay in the same uncomfortable position she fell asleep in. Standing up she went straight for the bathroom, seeing it was almost 9am. Only four hours until the wedding.

There was just enough time for a quick shower before Lane would be here to do her hair and Sookie was also coming later. She could hear some noise coming from the kitchen as she walked through the living room and then almost collided with her mom in the hallway. She was still in her sweats, coffee in hand, strangely upbeat for this time of morning.

"You look awful." Lorelai said.

"Yeah, well alcohol does that to people."

"You were the one who downed that wine like a maniac. I on the other hand, had only one glass of champagne, and look…no headache, memory loss or any other unpleasant alcohol related consequences. Just hope you'll feel better by one."

"I will. I'm one of the bridesmaids after all. So I got to look good, hangover or not."

"Right, but just don't get too dolled up. Don't want to outshine the bride."

"I'll try my best."

"I appreciate it. Now go shower. Lane called and said she'll be here in fifteen."

"Sure."

"And Rory?"

"Yeah?

"Did something happen last night with you and Logan? I thought I heard you two arguing about something?"

"No…no, we're fine."

"Okay."

Rory walked into the bathroom taking two aspirins from the cabinet. She closed it and sipped the water into the glass. She looked up in the mirror as drank the water almost chocking up at the sight of her reflection.

Her hair was a mess, eyes puffy from crying with large black circles under her eyes making her practically look like a ghost. After putting the empty glass down, she opened her make up box and started cleaning up her mascara. There was a lot to be done and she was glad she bought that light powder two weeks ago when she went shopping with Lorelai. She was sure she would be able to put it together before Lane comes. But what about her heart? Could she put that together too?

~lit~

He stood in the town square, flipping his lighter in hand. He was planning on smoking a cigarette or two but decided to postpone that for later. After a moment he tugged the lighter into his jeans pocket. Luke did ask him earlier to wear a classic suit for the ceremony but he smoothly refused. That just wasn't him, and he didn't plan to change for anyone. So he wore his dark jeans, white T-shirt and a black suit jacket.

The wedding was starting in half an hour and truth be told, he was a little nervous. Not just because Luke drove him crazy walking up and down in his apartment so much that he had no choice but to excuse himself and say he had something to do, but also because of this town. And Rory. After last night he didn't know how he should react. How will she react? His first thought was to sit in his car and drive away, but he decided against it. Luke expected him to be there and he couldn't just bail on him and fail the only person that ever gave him a fair chance.

So he was standing here, feeling his jacket become increasingly small for his frame with every passing second. It chocked him. This town and the people…everything looked the same like it did few years ago. And everything reminded him of her. The same diner, gazebo, the bridge…

His eyes stopped in front of the bookstore he often came in with her. He couldn't not to remember all the stolen kisses by the front window, conversations about a million different books. But today, on that same place, stood another couple, laughing at their own inside joke, enjoying their time together. Suddenly, he felt cold even though it was a bright sunny afternoon. That feeling deepened as he saw her walking up to the gazebo.

With him.

~lit~

She didn't plan on this day to go the way it did. And she definitely didn't plan on going to the wedding hand in hand with a guy she couldn't bare to see just a night before.

But an hour ago, when she got ready to go, Lorelai came in saying that Logan was here and that the two of them should go with Logan's car and she'd go with Richard in his. Lane looked at her making a _no_ gesture (she told her everything this morning, at the bathroom, in a hushed, shaky voice, unable to keep it a secret any longer) but she knew there was nothing to do but agree and go with him. Their drive to the town's square went by in complete silence, except for the radio, that played Guns of Brixton by Clash and she felt like melting into her seat.

She agreed that he accompanies her to the gazebo but soon regretted her decision when she saw Jess standing there. She remembered that he was at the diner last night when she came there. She remembered the bits of their conversation and standing close to him, she could feel the smell of his aftershave (the same one he had when they dated, she was sure). She remembered the burning feeling on her lips when they connected with his, and the feeling of safety that came from being in his arms.

But she quickly chassed the thought away. Jess and safety went together like oil and water so it must've been her imagination. But now, scanning his facial features (the unmistakable blank expression, and those unreadable brown eyes) she wondered if maybe it was true after all.

As a reflex she pulled her hand from Logan's and approached Jess in slow steps, her mind screaming at her to leave so she doesn't have to look at him, at those accusing brown eyes. It would be easier, turn around and walk away to her house, to the bridge, anywhere but here.

But something kept pulling her forward. Curiosity, fear, she didn't know what it was exactly but right now she was standing in front of him, words stuck in her throat. He thought she was playing some new game with him, the one he wasn't familiar with yet. So he stared at her trying to crack that perfect exterior she always put on for everyone. The fact she was standing at least ten inches away from her supposed boyfriend didn't go unnoticed by him. Nor did that fake smile she offered him.

He glanced at Logan without wondering why they made up so quickly (it was a given fact and questioning it would lead him nowhere but the nearest bar) but why they broke up in the first place. He thinks it was his fault, no correct that, he _knows_ it was his fault. He never saw Rory drunk and he knew there was a damn good reason behind that. And that reason was standing right in front of him, with that cocky half smirk and he thought how nice it would be to punch him and take that smile of his face. Remembering the look on Rory's face from last night he was almost sure she was thinking the same thing then. Plus, he wanted to do that months ago and this was his opportunity to correct the mistake of letting him get away so easily last time.

Just then Sookie stepped in and Rory was more than grateful for the distraction.

"Sweetie, you look great in that dress. I don't really support that twins look, even when it comes to bridesmaids' dresses but you chose a great color. It suits you. Not that the one you wore on my wedding wasn't nice but…"

"I know, Sookie. Thanks. You look great too. Where's Davey, haven't seen him here?"

"Oh, he's with Jackson. They're already seated. I'm in charge of the seating arrangements so I'm here to tell you that Lorelai's side is the left one and Luke's the right. Logan…you're sitting in the second row on the left."

"All right."

"And you two…okay, when the music starts just go ahead. And then after you come to the altar, Lorelai is coming with Richard, of course." she explained and then added enthusiastically "I still can't believe she's getting married."

"Me either." Rory agreed.

Just then she saw Richard walk up with her mom who was just glowing. To be honest she never saw her look this happy. And that simple long dress, the color of champagne was just perfect length for her, falling right to her Louboutin heals. Her hair was pulled up in an elegant bun with a few strays of her curly hair falling freely down her face and she wore a small hand-tied bouquet with red roses and white stephanotis in her hands. Rory smiled at her knowing all that nerve-wracking planning was all paying of now.

"Okay, here we go." Sookie said, excitement coloring her voice as she took a deep breath, a bright smile shoving on her face as she walked up down the isle leaving the two of them alone.

"So you two cleared things up?" he asked her in a low voice.

She blinked, the illusion that things will be fine between them breaking, as she was forced back to reality by his words. It was a logical question with the illogical answer. Truth be told, she didn't know what to tell him. But he knew the answer already by the way she so hesitantly moved a stray of her hair behind her ear and by the way her jaw clenched as she heard his question.

Why did she care so much about answering the stupid question was beyond her. She didn't care about him in that way anymore. They were just friends now. But whenever he was there she found herself falling into him. And it was the easiest of things. No calculating. Just feeling.

She wanted to explain it to him, to make him understand why things were the way they were but she couldn't even explain it to herself. Everyone around her looked happy, smiling and laughing as if they were the ones getting married, completely ignorant of her fake smile. She stepped up to the improvised red carpet with a shaky steps right next to Jess. As they walked down the isle he whispered, just loud enough for her to hear

"Glad I could help."

She swallowed, her eyes focusing forward on Luke who was standing nervously next to a priest, and then on Emily sitting next to Logan with content smile and suddenly she knew why everything felt so wrong. Why she was still with Logan, why she felt like screaming. And she didn't know how long she could do it anymore, lie to everyone and more importantly, lie to herself. She heard Patty comment on how beautiful she looked in her dress and she thought it was funny how at this exact moment she never looked better (considering all the compliments she got today) and at the same time never felt worse.

(tbc)

_Thanks for reading and don't forget to review…_

_BTW, I know I should've done this at the beginning and not halfway through the story, but I'm still kinda new to the whole concept of writing fan fiction. Anyway, I really need a beta. So if anyone would like to apply for the job feel free to e-mail me._


	13. Please, remind me how to smile

_**Disclaimer:**__ See chapter 1._

**Ch13: Please, remind me how to smile, I lost track after awhile**

The Inn looked amazing. Kate really did a wonderful job (with a _little_ interference by Emily). There were just enough seats in the dining room for everyone to sit down and the front desk on the reception was transformed into an improvised bar, and even a stairwell fence was decorated with red roses. The place looked completely different, casual with that elegant note.

She thought it looked magical. The only thing that bothered her was the seating arrangement that she made almost a month ago. And she had only herself to thank for having to sit next to Logan, his sister and Emily. Lorelai and Luke were sitting at another table with Richard, Sookie and Jackson.

And the one face she kept looking for she just couldn't find. She looked everywhere. The only place left was the stable and she guessed that wasn't exactly his place of choice. Maybe he was just avoiding her, sitting outside at the front stairs, smoking his fourth cigarette. She never could stand that smell of a burning cigarette and was completely unwavering about her opinion that cigarettes were just a waste of money and time, not to mention your health, but now she would do anything to feel just that, to know he is here. But maybe he was really gone. Both options were highly possible. She still hoped it was the first.

"The Inn looks great Rory. I must admit that that wedding planner of yours did a great job here. Though I think the dining room is a little small for this kind of occasion." Emily said.

"Well, mom wanted a small wedding, and since we didn't plan on inviting a lot of people this was a perfect choice." She explained.

"I understand, but few of our good friends called the other day and I had to explain to them why they weren't invited to the wedding. It was quite embarrassing. I'm sure Lorelai could've found a more appropriate place for the reception."

"Maybe so, but as I said she wanted to keep it small, just family and our closest friends. And I think it looks great so let's just enjoy this day." Rory said.

"So Logan, what do you think of London so far?" Emily asked choosing to ignore Rory's annoyed look.

"It's different." He answered briefly drinking up the rest of his champagne.

"Yes, it sure is. Richard and I went there a few years ago. I was perfectly aware of the climate there but we were still taken-aback by how often it rained. You practically couldn't go anywhere without an umbrella."

"I have to agree there. But if you stay there longer you can stumble upon a few sunny days actually." Logan said.

"Yes, guess we just weren't of such luck. There's so many places I wanted to see but wasn't able to because it rained all day long. We planned to go on the cruise down the Thames River but then we decided to go to this restaurant called Gordon Ramsay because of the weather. It turned out to be a good idea. They have a wonderful service, and the food was absolutely delicious."

"Actually I was there once, and I have to agree that the place is great. And you can't not to go to the cruise down the Thames if you're in London. You should definitely do that next time you come."

"Oh, I'm a little old for such long trips with the plane. But I'm sure Rory will enjoy that when she comes for a visit."

"Yes, I'm sure she will." He agreed.

She was sitting there, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. She didn't want to put up with this anymore, to listen to Logan's and her grandma's polite chatting and sit here like some trophy wife, with that fake smile on her lips.

She bit her lip remembering the previous night. Remembering that feeling of desperation, of the need to feel him close to her so she could breathe again as her lips finally connected with his, remembering her strawberry lip-gloss on his lips after they parted and that lost, pleading look in his eyes.

She wished she could touch him one more time, to be close to him, to feel his hair between her fingers. To feel his hand on the small of her back and to have that feeling like she was exactly where she was supposed to be again.

In these past year or two when she thought of the past and the time they spent together it seemed hazy, lost somewhere between her dreams and the reality. So she could easily let it slip into some far corner of her mind and pretend she has forgotten, moved on. But this, last night, it was real.

And it was all she could think about.

"Rory, are you listening to this?"

"What? Oh, yeah, of course I am, grandma."

"So what'd you think? I'm sure you'll like London a lot. Maybe you'll even want to live there someday."

"London? I don't know about that."

"Why not? It's a beautiful city and Logan has a well paid job there and I'm sure you could find one after you graduate Yale. Who knows, maybe you could even work at London Times."

"I'm really not planning that far ahead."

"I don't know, you might change your mind once you visit the city. And you are graduating in a few months, you should think about your future Rory."

Even if she had her doubts about it few minutes ago, she was absolutely sure of it now. She had to get out of here. Listening to her grandma talk about her like she practically wasn't even in the room was more than enough, but trying to persuade her to move to London with Logan was over the top. Even for Emily Gilmore.

"Would you excuse me for a moment?" she said, not waiting for their response as she stood up and walked out of the room, convinced Emily was commenting about her impoliteness the minute she was sure she was far enough to not be able to hear her. She crossed the small hallway and went up the stairs.

Once she was on the first floor, she slowly passed by the rooms until she reached the number twelve. Knocking on the door she stepped inside without waiting for an answer.

"Rory? Good you're here. I was just planning to call Luke to help me with my dress zipper."

"Now, why did I need to hear that?"

"Hey, I wasn't planning on doing anything inappropriate if that's what you're thinking."

"You need my help or not?"

"Yes."

"Then turn around and let me zip you up."

Lorelai turned towards the mirror raising her hair up with her hands as Rory stepped closer to help her with the dress.

"So how did I look up there? I didn't embarrass myself or anything?"

"Nope. You looked great. Though I thought it was a little weird. I never thought you'd get married before me."

"Haha, very funny. But you what's even funnier?" Lorelai asked "I kinda thought the same thing. But here I am, with the dress, and the serious hairdo and the whole bridesmaid package."

"Yep. It was big. Something like Lady Di's wedding, only in Stars Hollow."

"How can you say that? I'm completely insulted." Lorelai complained "Luke looks so much better than that old guy she married, what was his name?"

"Prince Charles?"

"Whatever. But you gotta agree Luke is far better-looking."

"Okay, that's my step dad you're talking about so I'm just gonna say aw."

"I'd prefer if you called him Luke. That whole step dad thing makes him look old."

"Of course, that makes perfect sense. At least in your head." She said with a smile "And mom?"

"Yeah?" Lorelai turned to face her daughter letting her hair down to fall freely.

"How did you know? I mean I wasn't there when you proposed Luke and I never got to ask you, but how did you know he was the guy you wanted to be with?"

"I dunno. I just thought how I couldn't imagine my day without seeing him and drinking his coffee or leading those pointless conversations. And then that day when I saw how concerned he was about you quitting Yale and how much he wanted to help me make things right…it all just clicked. And I knew that was it." She said pausing for a moment as she thought back on that night at the diner "He just always pushed me forward even when I felt like giving up, you know?"

"Yeah, yeah I do." Rory agreed.

"And as silly as it sounds…"

"What?"

"Sometimes I think he knows me better than I do."

"I know the feeling."

"I still can't believe it really. Lorelai Gilmore Danes." She said, pausing for a moment  
"It really has a nice ring to it."

"It sure does."

"God, have you seen my moms face when the priest said Luke and Lorelai Danes? Priceless."

"You know, I wish I was more like that. I mean, you got into a fight with grandma because of Luke. And you were ready to never talk to her again if she didn't accept him. And I just couldn't…"

"Rory this wasn't about her. It was about my own happiness. And it she wasn't able to deal with the fact I wasn't marring some rich guy with a mansion, a huge pool and a six figure paycheck that's her problem." she said "Though, if Logan decides to buy you a house I could still have that pool part." She added with a smile "…you and I could go for a swim and lay in those terribly expensive deck-chairs and drink our pink cocktails."

Rory looked down, silent.

"Rory what's wrong?"

She looked up at Lorelai feeling the tears build up in her eyes. She didn't want to ruin this for her but she just couldn't keep it bottled up inside any longer. Lorelai was always her shoulder to lean on. And all of this, it reminded her on those months when they weren't talking to each other and when all she wanted was to talk to her, tell her about her life and how confused she was. She didn't want that for them ever again. And she wanted someone to show her the way, to help her clear up this mess she got herself into.

"Mom…I screwed up." She finally confessed sitting down on the bed.

"What are you talking about?" Lorelai asked sitting next to her, concerned by her daughters behavior.

"Logan and I broke up yesterday because…because he cheated on me. Twice." she started as Lorelai looked at her, speechless "And last night when I went to the diner I sort of kissed Jess." she said closing her eyes like a five year old that did something wrong, afraid of her mom's reaction.

"What? Why would…"

"I wanted to tell you but I didn't want to ruin your wedding day so I decided it was best to talk to you when you get back from your honeymoon but I just couldn't..."

"What do you mean Logan cheated on you? If all you said is true I can't believe you're still with him. I knew he was a…"

"Mom, I'm not with him anymore." Rory said to calm her down "We had our first big fight few months ago and we decided to take a break and he ended up sleeping with this bridesmaid and I didn't want to think about that so I went to see Jess at Truncheon books to congratulate him for the store and the book. He kissed me and I left. And later Logan and I made up so…"

"Wait, wait…you know about Jess and the book?"

"He came to tell me when I was staying with grandma. We talked and he said I was being foolish for quitting Yale and not talking to you and I realized he was right and…"

"Jess was the one who helped you figure things out?" Lorelai asked, completely perplexed with her daughter's words.

"Yes. And last night he told me he loved me and I walked away. Again. And now I can't find him anywhere…"

"Okay, my head is officially spinning. Give me a minute to pull it together. But first of, why didn't you tell me any of this sooner?"

"I told you. I didn't want to worry you now. But I don't wanna spend my life with a guy who is looking for any excuse to cheat on me and I don't wanna spend my Fridays and Saturdays partying even when I'm thirty."

"Of course you don't."

"And I think I'm in love with Jess." She said with the eyes full of tears.

"Honey…"

"I just don't know what to do." She said, her voice barely a whisper "And Grandma will probably die when I tell her Logan Huntzberger and I aren't planning are mutual life in London."

Lorelai pulled her into a hug as she wiped away a few of the tears that found their way down her cheeks. "I don't care what she'll think. It's your life kid. Don't let others determine what you want to do with it."

"I know."

"I think I should stay here. I'll go get the ice-cream and you get the movies, and we'll go home and eat unhealthy food and watch Julia and I'll even tell you my famous Hellmann's mayonnaise joke, how about it? Luke and I can postpone our honeymoon for later." Lorelai said.

"Hawaii? I don't think so. Thanks for the offer, but you should go. I'll be fine, I need time to figure this out on my own anyway. And I so don't want to hear that joke ever again. Haven't we agreed on that one like a million years ago?"

"Yes, but I still think it's cool. And so you can't stop me from saying it."

"Maybe when we're alone and no other human being is present I'll allow it."

"How very generous of you."

"I'm just glad I told you everything." Rory admitted.

"I'm glad you told me too." Lorelai agreed "You know I never thought anyone would ever have a more complicated love life then I did. But you sure proved me wrong."

"Queen of messy relationships." She said making a face "That sounds bad."

"I still can't believe I have something to thank Jess for." Lorelai said laughing as they both fell backwards on the bed. Rory opened her eyes looking up at the ceiling, earnest smile on her face as the long forgotten feeling of relief filled her lungs.


	14. Secret's in the telling

_Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and review. It seriously made my day. This chapter is a little longer than usual so hope you like it. Thanks for reading and don't forget to review!_

()

**Ch14: The secret's in the telling**

They walked down the stairs resolving to get back to the reception. Rory held her dress with one hand so she wouldn't trip walking down the stairs in her high heels and Lorelai wore a simple long strapless white dress that hugged her curves just the right way.

"Ready to do this?" she asked Rory.

"Ready as I'll ever be."

"All right, but if you need me to punch him for you or something, I'd be more than happy to."

"I can handle it." Rory assured her "Thanks for the offer though."

"Sure. Okay, did I just hear 'I will always love you' play on my wedding reception or have I had too much champagne and started imagining things?" she said as they approached the guests downstairs.

"I'm afraid you heard right."

"And here was trusting Lane to have a good taste in music…"

"I think she'd rather jump off a cliff than put this on, but… we haven't talked in a while so she might have suffered some horrible memory loss and…"

"Sookie!"

"What?"

"It was Sookie. Oh my God, I should've known. She always fell for these cheesy love songs and even though I tried to show her what real music was… If you'd excuse me I have to go stop this disaster before she puts on something even worse. Oh, wait…there is nothing worse than that!"

"Mom, just go." Rory said with a sigh as she looked at Logan who was sitting at their table talking to Emily.

"Well, it's now or never." She said more to herself as she approached their table.

~lit~

'_I love you.'_

From almost an hour long conversation those three words were the only ones she memorized. But not because she was surprised to hear him say it, but because coming out of his mouth it didn't sound like it meant anything. It seemed like a cheap excuse he used over and over again.

_I love you so much that I got so wasted you had to carry me home. _

_I love you so much that I slept with some bridesmaid at the wedding. _

_I love you so much that I kissed Rachel and lied to you about it…_

She remembered the time when she was sixteen and Dean made a huge deal about her not saying to him those three little words after he has said them to her. And the reason for that was because then, a long time ago, when she was stupid and naive, she thought that when she said those words to someone they had to mean something. Something more than the letters combined together, something deep and unexplainable, something that made her heart skip a beat and her legs tremble in a good way.

And now, years after that she knew one thing for sure, there was only one time she found those words true, meaning exactly what she thought they should mean. And she never got to say them back. Days later, she sat in her room coming up with a million excuses why she stood there frozen, unable to form a rational thought or say anything, anything to stop him from walking away. But now she knew, even though she never wanted to admit it to him and especially not to herself then the words hit her heard because one look into his eyes and she just knew. They weren't meaningless or cheap.

They were everything.

All the apologies he didn't say, all the questions she always wanted to ask him but couldn't since he wasn't there. It all became clear. But back than denial was easier, safer and if she needed something like this to be her wake up call then guess it was worth it.

And now seeing the way her mom looked at Luke she knew something needed to be done. She needed to go and find him.

~lit~

There was something magical about the rain. When she was younger her favorite thing to do was to go outside when it was raining, spread her arms in the air and look up at the cloudy morning sky with closed eyes and feel the soft raindrops fall on her face. It was her little secret. Her mom always liked the snow so she embraced that habit, never revealing to her that she actually liked when it rained too.

And that's why when there was no one home she would rush out and down her front steps dressed in just a T-shirt to enjoy the early spring rain. It was warm under her fingertips and it tickled her lightly on the face and the shoulders. And it made her feel free. There was no one there to tell her how inappropriate her behavior was or how silly she looked, standing there and giggling like some little girl.

But today, she didn't have time to enjoy the rain that started to fall a minute she was out of the Inn. It was cold outside, the rain soaking up her thin bridesmaids dress. She shivered, pulling up her dress with her hands so she wouldn't get mud on it since it was way too long to walk in. She considered running but her five inch heels refused to cooperate.

The second she was out of the Inn's front yard she regretted not taking her car and avoiding this mess. But she had this silly thought that it wasn't that far and that she'd get there fast. But it was. And even if it was only five feet away it would be too far. She couldn't get there fast enough. Her head was a mess of thoughts, all the words spoken and unspoken in these last couple of days. She felt like her whole world had crushed down. And this was her only chance to save it.

The rain was pouring hard now and she slowed down, approaching the desired destination. She let her dress slip from her hand and fall down, moving a few wet strays of hair from her face. Any passer-by who saw her then would probably think she was completely crazy, walking on the pouring rain like it was a bright sunny day.

All of this got her thinking about that day when she was listening to Guns n' Roses and their November rain with Lane on her Discman in the diner, her eyes following him as he served the costumers. The moment he realized she was looking at him she'd turn to Lane not daring to turn around, feeling his eyes on her back. Those few stolen moments became a highlight of her days and Dean always wondered why she suddenly became so obsessed with that particular song.

The truth was that it reminded her of him and on the rain, another thing she loved.

But lately she didn't have time to do any of the things she used to love to do, like reading or this. It was like she was someone else, someone who didn't find any meaning in such little things. And she hated it. She didn't want to be that person anymore. And this was just a small step to being the Rory Gilmore everyone used to know, but a little more daring, older Rory Gilmore.

She made a few more steps; the sound of her heals clashing with a wooden ground, breaking the peaceful silence. She could hear almost inaudible sound of the rain drops falling in the water as she stopped, out of breath, a look of disappointment on her face. Her reflection in the water startled her but she remained standing, unable to look away. Her eyes were locked with the rain drops that were making small waves on the water leaving her reflection in the water blurry. Her hair was absolutely ruined, not to mention her makeup.

Guess it was better he wasn't here.

Maybe she needed to find her own way. Maybe she needed to do this on her own, figure out what she really wanted. With a sigh she turned around deciding to go home and change her clothes before she catches a cold.

~lit~

Fifteen minutes later she walked up the front porch just as the rain stopped only to find a note stuck to the main door of the house. Actually it was a white piece of paper taped to the door. She recognized her mother's messy handwriting immediately.

_-Where were you? I called your cell but guess you were busy making out with the diner guy (not mine, the other one). We had a plane to catch so I couldn't wait for you but guess you had a good excuse :) Call you when we land. _

_P.S. Luke made you coffee. It's in the kitchen. Have fun, just don't burn the house down while I'm gone.- _

She briefly smiled at the note that ended up on the floor a few seconds later as his voice brought her back to reality.

"I knew you loved classic movies but trying to recreate Gene Kelly's scene in the rain is more of a having a death wish than fun, but that's just my opinion." he pointed out.

She turned around to see him standing in her front yard, dressed in his jeans and a jacket that was almost completely soaked.

"You look like you tried to do the exact same thing." She noted.

"I just overlooked the fact that the sky was completely grey, nothing else."

"And why would you even want to go out in this weather anyway?"

"Being stuck in the same room with another hounded people is really not my idea of a spending an afternoon."

"It's not as bad as you make it sound."

"Really?" he said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, there's free food and all-you-can-drink-coffee." She explained.

"And still you didn't stay."

"How'd you know?"

"Well, you are standing here so I'd say you can't be at two places at once."

"Good argument."

"Plus I was there already."

"So Jess Mariano went to the horrible, boring wedding reception… I'm impressed."And she sort of was.

"There's nowhere else you can go in this little Pleasant ville. Practically the entire town was there."

"I wasn't." she reminded him.

"I know. That blonde boyfriend of yours looked like a lost puppet there alone with Emily. I almost felt sorry for the guy."

"Please tell me you didn't talk to him."

"We exchanged a word or two."

"But there was no punching involved?"

"What kind of guy do you think I am?"

"Jess…"

"He's fine."

"Good."

He thought about two or three comments he was dying to add about the topic but seeing her expression he chose to stay silent instead.

She shivered as the wind started to blow reminding her that she was standing outside in very thin, wet clothes "Want to come in? I really need to change."

"I don't know."

"C'mon, I don't bite." She said playfully.

"Not so sure about that one."

She shot him a look.

"Now that was just mean." she said, in a mock hurt as she unlocked the door and walked inside as he followed.

They went to the living room as she excused herself to go change her clothes and he sat down on the couch taking of his wet jacket. Seeing the old copy of Howl on the coffee table he picked it up and started to read, not having anything better to do.

In less than ten minutes she came back from her room, dressed in jeans and a comfy white sweater. He put down his book and looked at her as she walked in the room caring two cups of coffee.

She put one in front of Jess on the table.

"Don't worry, it's from the diner, i didn't make it." she explained as he nodded "I can put your jacket to the laundry to dry it up, and you can take Luke's, I think it's in the kitchen."

"Luke's?"

"He practically lives here." she explained.

"I see. I'll be fine in the sweater and I can just carry the jacket."

"As you wish." she said sitting down on the sofa.

There was a brief moment of silence before Jess spoke up.

"So how come you're not there with him?" he asked.

"How come you're still in Stars Hollow?"

"I asked first." he said.

"We talked and decided we're not right for each other after all." she said briefly. There was no need to get into that right now (or ever again).

"Huh."

"Yes. What about my question?"

"I decided to stay here for a couple of days. Luke asked me to watch the diner for him while he's away."

"Please, the most serious criminal act here was when Kirk fell asleep in the gazebo and ended up in jail for one night. Apparently the bench is a state's property or something like that and is not at free disposal to its citizens. Taylor held a meeting about that the day after the 'incident'."

"I told him the same thing but I think he's more afraid that Caesar will burn the whole place down unsupervised than anything else."

"So you're here to baby sit him. How nice." she joked.

"Absolutely not." he said "It's just that it's a good chance to earn some money on the side. Besides I can work on my book here"

"And that's the only reason." she stated.

"Of course."

"Good to know." she said and he nodded.

"So you'll be here tomorrow."

"Actually I have classes in the morning so I'll probably be in New Heaven for the whole day."

"Huh."

"And I might crash at Paris's or something since I'm kinda homeless now."

"How come?"

"I've been living with Logan for the last few months actually." she said.

"That must have been fun."

"But I'll have to see what to do about that later. Make a list or something."

"Some things never change, huh?" he said with a smirk.

"Depends."

"I should go." he said.

"You could stay for dinner if you want." she offered.

"You're cooking?"

"No, I'll order Indian."

He stood up "Then I _really_ need to go."

"Sometimes you remind me of my mother way too much." she said punching him on the shoulder.

"Can we pretend you didn't say that?"

"It's the truth."

He rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, thanks for the coffee."

"No problem. I'll see you around."

"There's a pretty big possibility for that."

"Yeah."

With that he turned around and walked out closing the front door behind as she returned to the living room and sat down to finish her coffee alone.

~lit~

She planned on enjoying her alone time with Indian food and a movie or two but then she remembered all that homework she completely forgot about and was now forced to do at the last minute. There were a lot of things that needed to be done and she still had classes in the morning. It seemed like a mission impossible.

The phone started to ring and she jumped grateful for any kind of excuse to get away from the pile of homework.

"Hello?"

"Aloha." a cheery voice on the other side greeted.

"Mom, you're not even at Hawaii yet."

"Technicalities, technicalities… Besides, I'm practicing for when we get there."

"Where are you now?"

"Airport. The plane is being delayed for another half an hour so I got bored and decided to call you for entertainment."

"You want me to sing you a song maybe? Do some trick?"

"Conversation would be fine, thank you very much."

"Okay, so anything new happened since the last time I saw you?"

"Nothing. But I did find some really cute bag at the airport store. It looks phenomenal and it was only 20 dollars."

"I always admired your ability to find such nice things in strangest places."

"I'll pretend that was a compliment." Lorelai said "So, you talked to Logan?"

"Let's just say I'm pretty sure he's on his way to London by now." she said with a sigh.

"I thought we agreed you'd let me punch him at least once after you tell him you two are over."

"Mom, you can't just go around punching people. Besides what do you know about boxing?"

"Excuse me, I did watch Million Dollar Baby. Twice."

"Sorry to burst your bubble but there's a difference between a movie and real life."

"True, but you seem to have forgotten about those self defense classes I took a few years ago too."

"You went there like twice before coming home and whining how they are evil people who make you work out and ruin your perfectly good hair in the process."

"They were."

"That's so not the point." Rory said, rolling her eyes.

"How was coffee?"

"Great as always. Thanks for that by the way."

"Oh, well I have to go. And you don't get too bored while I'm gone."

"I won't."

"I feel so bad for leaving you there alone while I'm here. You have no one to hang out with."

"Sure I do. I have Lane and school and Paris…okay, maybe not Paris and…" she stopped, realizing what she was about to say but then "…Jess is here." Luke would probably tell her anyway.

"And you mean _here_ as in Stars Hollow not _here_ as in your room."

"No…mom, no. How can you think such thing?"

"So he's not in our house?"

"No." _But he was half an hour ago._

"Good."

"Have fun at the honeymoon."

"Will do. Oh, and Luke says hi."

"Tell him I said hi and now I really need to go study."

"Boy, you really know how to party when I'm gone."

"That's not funny."

"I think it is."

"Bye mom."

"Admit it, it's a little funny."

"Bye…"

She hung up the phone with a smile and got back to homework.

(tbc)


	15. It could be you, tonight

_AN: Here's another chapter. It's a little longer then usual, hope you like it! Please, read and let me know what you think!_

()

**Ch15: ****It could be you, tonight  
**

It was only Wednesday and she was already dying for a good night of sleep or at least a day off. She sincerely regretted refusing her mothers offer to go with her. Driving to New Heaven every morning and then back to Stars Hollow in the evening has proven to be a huge effort and though she has in fact searched for an apartment it wasn't so easy to find a clean, not to expansive place to live in the middle of semester. But yesterday her luck changed and she found the much desired apartment. It wasn't that far from Yale but not too close. It was small but she'd manage and the price was decent.

And all she needed to do now was move in there. Easier said then done. She has just spent the entire morning packing her stuff at Logan's apartment and barely had time to drop them to her house and get back to Yale in time for her next class. She really didn't want to think about moving all those stuff to her new apartment. Not to mention it was on the third floor and apparently a working elevator was too big of a luxury.

She literally collapsed on one of the stools by the counter at Luke's that afternoon placing her bag on an empty stool beside her. Putting her hands on the counter she leaned her head closing her eyes happy for any opportunity for a nap.

The diner was almost empty with just a few costumers, since the morning rush was over long time ago.

She opened her eyes as a steaming cup of coffee was placed right beside her on the counter. Sitting up she smiled and took a long sip without a word.

"Apartment hunting again?" he asked seeing how she looked.

"No, worse, moving out of one." she explained.

"So you found the place."

"Yes, but I'm not sure I'll actually move in there."

"Why not?"

"Let's just say moving my stuff up the third floor with no elevator does not sound so appealing."

"And by stuff you mean tons of books?"

"What do you think?" she asked.

"I think you'll need a bigger cup of coffee."

"Good thinking."

He took the cup that was on the counter and brought her another one as she smiled, grateful for the much needed caffeine fix.

"So, need any help with that?"

She looked up putting her coffee back on the counter "Hm?"

"Moving in. Need any help with that?"

"Why, do you maybe know some magical way of getting all my stuff up without walking up the million staircases?"

"No but..."

"Then I'm afraid that you can't help."

"Can't you just let me finish a sentence?"

"Someone's being Mr. Sensitive today."

"And you're so different, whining about moving in for the last twenty minutes."

"I did not whine about that."

"Whatever."

"I have to go."

"That would be three fifty." he said.

She searched through her purse for the bills and then threw them on the counter in front of him and walked to the door.

"So how does tomorrow at 10 sounds?"

"What?" she said turning around as she wrapped her scarf around her neck.

"You will have to move your stuff there eventually."

"And what does that have to do with you?"

"Like you could carry in all those boxes by your self." he commented instead of answering her question.

"They're not that heavy." she pointed out.

"As you wish."

"But if you want to help so bad…"

He raised an eyebrow at her as he put the bills in the cash register.

"See you at 10 am sharp." was all she said before walking out the door as he smirked and closed the register.

~lit~

The red numbers on her nightstand clock read 8.15 am as she opened her eyes once again. It was 2 minutes more then the last time she checked and she groaned in frustration. She had no idea why she was up at this hour when she didn't have to be up by nine especially since she fell asleep almost at 2 am. She woke up before eight this morning and all her attempts to fall asleep again brought her nowhere. With a sigh she decided to stop all this tossing and turning and get up.

After taking a shower and applying a light make up, her brown colored mascara and a lip gloss she went to her room to choose something to wear today. Half an hour later her bed was full of clothes scattered around and she was still standing there in her PJ's. What the hell was wrong with her this morning? How hard was it to find a decent jeans and a top? Maybe if she had just one jeans she wouldn't have a choice but to wear those and it wouldn't be so complicated to choose.

Suddenly, the phone started to ring and she quickly picked up some jeans from the top of the pile and a red sweater and went to the hallway to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Wow, you sound like you haven't slept in days."

"More or less."

"I told you not to party on school days."

"You know me, always up for a night of drinking and breaking some rules."

"That's my kid."

"It's nice to know you encourage my delinquent activities."

"Always." Lorelai said "But seriously, don't tell me you pulled another all-nighter and studied?"

"Actually I didn't."

"Surprise, surprise. So you really did go out and partied."

"More like stared at the ceiling for two straight hours. We really should paint my room, by the way."

"You worry me sometimes."

"I really need coffee." she said with a sigh sitting down on a couch "By the way I found the apartment."

"Good to hear. Well, when Luke and I get back we can help you move."

"Actually I decided to do it on my own."

"What? You are aware of all those books you have, correct?"

"Yes, mom, I'm perfectly aware of that. Besides I have some help." she retorted.

"Don't tell me you convinced poor Lane to carry those huge boxes."

"No, Jess kinda offered to help."

"Hm."

"What was that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, I was just listening what you were saying."

"So you have nothing to say about this?"

"What would I say? I'm glad you have someone to help you out. I don't want to get back home and hear you've been killed by the box full of books."

"You always have something to say." Rory continued.

"Not today." Lorelai said.

"Okay, I have to go. I'm gonna be late."

"All right, talk to you soon. I have to make sure you survived the box incident and all…"

"I'll call you when I get back home."

"You mean if you get home."

"Mom!"

"All right, but don't forget to call."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye."

Rory put the phone down and quickly put on her jeans and a coat and went for the door. It was almost half ten and she really wanted to have coffee and eat some breakfast before she goes.

~lit~

She entered the diner and sat on the only free table by the door. Jess was nowhere to be seen and she was about to go and pour that coffee for herself when she saw him coming from behind the curtain completely dressed, jean jacket, black pants and his usual black converse. She gave him a puzzled look as he walked up to her table.

"You ready to go?" he asked putting his hands in his jacket pockets.

"What?"

"You said we'll go at 10. So here I am."

"Yes, but its 9.45 now. I have 15 more minutes to drink my coffee, and could you get me one blueberry muffin too?"

"I'm not working."

"Well then who is?"

"I am." Lane said coming up to her table. "Haven't seen you in a while." she said turning to Rory.

"What can I say, my schedule sucks." Rory commented.

"Coffee?" Lane offered.

"You really need to ask me that?"

Lane smiled and poured her some coffee.

"You talked to Lorelai?" she asked.

"Yeah, I have. They're enjoying Hawaii and she's driving Luke crazy."

"What else is new?"

"Exactly."

"I'll wait for you outside." Jess said, not really up to listening to their conversation.

"What's up with you two?"

"Nothing, he offered to help me move my stuff."

"Wow, didn't know you two were _that_ close."

"We aren't. It's just…I dunno. It's complicated."

"Relationships always are." Lane commented, thinking of how long it took her to realize she was in love with Dave. She just hoped Rory's less clueless then she was. "So, anything else?"

"I could squeeze in one blueberry muffin."

"Comin' right up."

~lit~

He stood by her car, leaned on the hood, second cigarette in hand. His hands were freezing in the cold morning air but it was worth it. He watched the cigarette smoke disappearing in the cold air, wondering why the hell he agreed to this. He was determined to stay away from her as much as possible for these couple of days and then go back to New York and his normal every day life. But then she came into the diner and made him change all his plans. He hated how she could do that to him by doing absolutely nothing. He smirked as he saw her walk out of the diner and towards the place he was standing at. She frowned seeing he didn't give up on his old habit. But it wasn't like she had the right to say anything about that anyway.

He had to resist the urge to smile at her. She looked beautiful with her hair pulled up in a messy bun, her cheeks slightly red from the cold. She put her hands in the pockets as she stood right in front of him.

"You know smoking can kill you."

"So can a car accident, a plane crash, a very nervous mugger…"

"That's not the point."

"Why do you care anyways?" he asked.

"Because it's stupid." she answered.

"I don't think so."

"Then you're stupid too."

"That's not the way to treat your only help."

"And you are so not smoking in my car."

"Fine." he said before throwing the cigarette on the ground and getting in the car.

"You are so stubborn sometimes, you know."

"Look who's talking." he said.

"This is gonna be fun." she said in a fake cheerful voice, ignoring the smirk on his lips as they drove of.

~lit~

"This is the last one, I promise."

"You said that one hour ago." he pointed out as they walked down the stairs.

"That was me staling but this is me spreading out the facts."

"I'll pretend I believe you." he said as they walked down the last couple of stairs of the building and towards her car. "And you know I never thought you could actually fit that many things in such a small car."

"My car is not small." she complained.

"No, he's just underdeveloped."

Rory rolled her eyes.

She came to the trunk of the car and he breathed in a sigh of relief. There really was just one box and a couple of bags with some clothes. He took the box leaving her to take the rest.

Walking up the apartment door he went inside and placed the box on the floor by the others. She walked right beside him and placed her stuff down and then went to close the apartment door. He took his jacket off and sat on one of the boxes relaxing.

Rory opened one of the boxes and took out two plastic cups. Placing them on a kitchen counter she took a bottle of juice she brought from her house and sipped it into the glasses. She took both cups and walked up to him sitting on the box in front of him.

"Coke?" she offered.

"No lemon?"

"Of course not. I'm really not a fond of that one."

"Guess you and Lorelai aren't identical twins after all."

"It's a common mistake."

"I guess it is. I found this in our fridge at home, hope the date hasn't expired."

"It's good."

"So how is your leg doing?"

"I'll manage. But you could try not to drop heavy boxes on people's feet in the future."

"It's not like I did it on purpose." she said innocently.

"And it had nothing to do with revenge?" he said, trying to stay serious.

"Why would you say such thing?"

"I dunno. I thought that joke of mine kinda hit the sore spot."

"And you thought I would want to harm you just because you said that anything I would cook could kill a person who was crazy enough to eat it."

"That is a good reason for it."

"And who would carry all these stuff then?" she said.

"I would. Though I'd drop by the hospital later just to make sure my fingers are still in one piece."

"Will you drop it if I say I'm sorry?"

"I'll have to think about it." he responded.

"And if I promise to never try to cook anything for the sake of all the people who would want to eat it?"

"Huh." Jess said, pretending he was thinking about it "That's a tough one. I mean I know how hard it'll be for you to stay away from the kitchen all the time. I'm just worried how you'll manage here alone, no Luke's in the neighborhood."

"I got one word for you: delivery."

"Thank God for small blessings."

"In fact, I'm starving right now. How about we order something?"

"And eat here?"

"C'mon it's an honor to be invited to share a first meal with someone in a new apartment."

"When you put it that way…"

"All right then…" she said digging through her pocket for a cell phone. She pulled it out of her left pocket and dialed the number. "Hello…I'd like to order a large pizza with pepperoni, fries and two large Cokes. Thank you very much." She said hanging up.

"It'll be here in 40 minutes." She announced.

~lit~

It was starting to get dark outside as they sat across from each other on the kitchen floor with a blanket spread under them since there was no carpet yet. Pizza was already half eaten, mostly thanks to Rory.

"Some things never change." he commented.

"What do you mean?"

"You can still eat for two, maybe even more."

"Well, I am a Gilmore, in case you forgot."

"It's hard to forget when you eat that pizza like there's no tomorrow."

"Do not."

"Hey, we worked hard today and you have the right to eat as much as you want to."

"You make it sound like I'm some crazy food obsessed person."

"I have worked at the diner for quite some time. I've seen you eat."

"Just because I'm not one of those skinny models who eat salad for breakfast, launch and dinner it doesn't mean I'm crazy."

"No, it just means you can eat as twice as much as I can."

"You're mean." she said throwing a napkin at him.

"And you have ketchup on your face." he said as she tried to wipe it with her hand.

"Did I get it?" she asked, looking so small in her over sized sweater and he remembered all those times they watched movies at her house talking about nothing and everything and she would wear that big shirt that had Harvard written on it.

"Almost, you just have…" he leaned closer to wipe it off as she looked at him. He wanted to laugh at how cliche this actually was but all he could think about was how badly he wanted to kiss her.

So he did, leaning in.

She deepened the kiss grateful she did not have any pizza in her mouth. He pushed her backwards on the floor, every rational reason why this was wrong leaving his head as her hands found their way to his messy hair as they continued kissing. She could feel the cold kitchen tiles under her back as he kissed her lightly on the neck, his hand tracing the lines of her body.

Although her shirt has risen up quite a bit, exposing her stomach, she wasn't cold at all, just the opposite. Every part of her body was aching for his touch and she felt as though she would go crazy if he didn't kiss her on the lips right this second. He looked up at her blue eyes, darkened by want, pleading him to just come closer.

"Are you sure we should do this?" he asked, desperate for her answer.

She was sure of this more than she ever was sure of anything in her life. Actually she was sure it was supposed to be him that night in her room, not Dean. She wanted to tell him that, she wanted to tell him how she spent days regretting her rash decision. But you couldn't change the past. He was here today and that was all that mattered.

So instead of an answer she closed the gap between them, pulling him into yet another kiss enjoying the way his body felt pressed against hers. Her hair smelled like vanilla and French fries and he found himself lost in the scent. He didn't want to think about anything, anything but being with her here, in this small, one bedroom apartment. He couldn't think of a more perfect thing. And it didn't matter how or where he'll wake up in the morning.

He was used to being alone anyway.

(TBC)

Review!


	16. Lay your armour down

_Thanks for reading and for the reviews. I fixed the little lapse in my last chapter so it's all good now. Well, here's the next chapter. Enjoy!_

()

**Ch16: Lay your armor down**

It was cold, really, really cold. Like being locked up in a fridge cold.

He groaned opening his eyes realizing he was lying in bed with nothing but some pretty thin blanket, if you could even qualify it as that. He looked around the room. It was completely bare, with a couple of boxes lying around and his clothes scattered on the floor. There wasn't even a pillow on the bed or any other bed sheets for that matter but that really didn't surprise him that much. What surprised him even less was that the still warm spot beside him was empty.

There were no curtains on the window and he could see that it was snowing outside. Long overdue snowflakes were falling on the window melting down at the contact with the glass. All those years he spent in New York he couldn't remember if it snowed even once. Maybe it did when he was younger, but it never lasted long. It usually melted away by the following morning, leaving a sidewalk wet. So when he went out his feet would get soaked in a matter of minutes, making his dark blue converse seem almost black. And it always annoyed him no matter how used to the cold weather he was being a New Yorker.

But in Stars Hollow it was a completely different story. It always snowed for days but he didn't mind at all because she was there beside him. And she always wore that silly cap but he never dared to tell her how silly he found it because she looked beautiful no matter what she wore. Hell, he was ready to buy the same one and wear it all day long if she'd look at him the same ways she did then. The picture was vivid in his mind – the two of them walking down the snow covered Stars Hollow streets, his hand placed protectively around her shoulders as she giggled commenting how they should pay more attention to the road and the oncoming traffic then to each other. But he ignored her planting yet another kiss on her lips as she smiled quickly forgetting about the road herself.

A lot has happened since then. He has made a lot of wrong moves and things he regretted and now all that was left of them was a night she obviously thought was a complete mistake. Frankly, he would probably do the same if he was on her place. If she wasn't ready to forgive him then and give them a chance (He was still amazed how a two letter word could hurt so much. He played it in his mind over and over again – _no, no, no…NO_. Then why couldn't he remember it last night?), why would she give them a chance now when there were so much more things to forgive?

It's like he's stuck on the road that leads to nowhere but he still keesp going. Maybe it was good that she wasn't here. She'd probably tell him no once again just when he started to forget the previous one. He took a deep breath and got up, quickly collecting his clothes wanting to warm up as soon as possible.

And get the hell out of this place.

It wasn't like he didn't expect this scenario (he was sure of it even before they shared their first kiss last night) but at the moment he found this place suffocating him, the images of the previous night flooding his mind. Zipping up his jacket he walked into the kitchen almost tripping over a box. He cursed loudly and finally came to the front door and opened it as a loud gasp broke the peaceful silence of the early winter morning.

He looked up honestly shocked by the sight in front of him. He has been through a lot in his life and he liked to think nothing could surprise him anymore. So how come a sight of a girl with red cheeks and snowflakes in her long hair shocked him so much?

Maybe it was the cap. It wasn't the same. It was more serous and elegant, maybe even too serious for her age. But she was still her standing there. And that surprised him more than anything in the world.

~lit~

The content look on her face was replaced with the worried one as she stood at the doorway looking at him. He was completely dressed, his hair a big mess without his gel to put it in its place. But she loved it. He looked like he just woke up (which he probably did considering his eyes were still red) and all she wanted to do was kiss him and pull her hands through his dark hair. And if it wasn't for the hounded questions wondering around her head about why the hell was he standing at her front door in his jacket she'd do just that. This way she remained standing unsure of what to say or do for that matter.

This morning she was awaken by her cell phone vibrating on the floor and it just didn't want to stop until she opened her eyes and picked it up with a groan. She flipped it open only to find the reminder she wrote a long time ago and then completely forgot about flashing at her.

This morning, in less then an hour professor Snyder was choosing the interns for this summer at the New York Post and she was still in bed. She wasn't sure about it but Logan convinced her it was a great opportunity since he was planning on staying in New York this summer to help his father with the work and it would be perfect for them to spend some time together. So she sent the application out more as a joke than anything else.

She really needed to get up because there was a really good chance of being late to this. And even though she didn't have high hopes of getting it considering how many students applied she still wanted to be there if that impossible thing happened and her name was called out together with the remaining three.

As she tried to get up she realized that something was stopping her and that something was his arm around her waist placed in a casual manner. That's when her inner alarm turned on as she realized where she was and what she just did. Correction, what _they_ did. It was so unbelievable that she couldn't even comprehend it in her mind. What was even more unbelievable was that feeling of how incredibly right this was. She could feel his breath on her neck and she closed her eyes for a short moment breathing deeply. No matter how right this all felt it was still crazy. Absolutely, completely utterly crazy.

She has slept with Jess Mariano.

She couldn't even say it out loud. Just thinking about it made her feel like she did the most unreasonable thing in her life. But she has had her share of stupid in her short life and sometimes it didn't turn out that bad at all. So maybe, just maybe this was a good thing. Maybe she had a perfectly good reason why she did this. Yeah, she must have had one. Like being in love with a certain dark haired boy who was currently lying next to her sleeping peacefully.

She really needed to talk to him and stop analyzing this in her head. But first she needed to get to Yale. She got up collecting her clothes from the floor and tiptoeing quickly to the kitchen where she got dressed as fast as possible but then she realized she had no make up here or even a hair brush so she decided to let her hair down straightening it with her fingers and putting a cap and her scarf on. She couldn't believe she was going to class in the clothes from last night. It was probably a good thing there was no mirrors in the apartment because she probably looked like crap. She walked out locking the front door in a hurry deciding to buy a cup of coffee at the stand by the building where the class was held if she had enough time. Cause really, there was nothing a good cup of coffee couldn't fix.

Almost two and a half hours and two coffees later she was nowhere near finished with analyzing the previous night but she hoped that third to go cup was gonna seal the deal. But her mood has definitely changed, she felt like smiling all day long. And really she had a pretty good reason for it. But right now she had something else on her mind. She was in front of her apartment; two to go cups in hand and there was no turning back. She just hoped Jess thought this through better than she did. Or maybe he was gone. Knowing him the second option was way more likely.

Maybe that would be easier in a way. At least she would have the answer to her question and stop wondering.

She inserted the key inside the lock and walked in almost colliding with a figure in the small apartment hallway. Looking up she froze at the recognition. It was him.

And he was walking out.

The smile faded from her lips as something in her snapped and she could practically feel the anger build up. She was so tired of doing this and this time she wasn't gonna let him go without an argument. Or at least telling her why.

"Going somewhere?" she asked, trying to hold back the sarcasm unsuccessfully.

"Um…I thought you were -" he started explaining but was cut of by her speaking up again.

"Hey, don't let me stop you. You were going out. I get it."

"I wasn't. I thought you left and so -"

"No, that's kind of more your specialty." she spat out.

"What are you trying to say?"

"Me? Nothing. You pretty much said everything with walking out of here."

"So you're still hung up on that?"

"Maybe I have an issue or two."

"So that's it, huh? You'll never forgive me for leaving then."

"I would but you just keep doing it. And no matter how many times you say you won't do –"

"It won't be like that this time. I wasn't even -"

"You always say that. But here you are standing at the front door. And I'm pretty sure if I came a minute later you wouldn't be there. And -"

He sighed, frustrated with the situation, will they ever be able to have a conversation without digging out the past? "I was on my way out, but not because I chickened out or something, but because I thought you left."

"And why would I do that?"

"I could name a reason or two. Besides I woke up and you weren't there. No note or message of any kind, so I figured you decided to forget all about last night and leave before I get up and an awkward conversation ensues."

"I went to school. I had class this morning." she explained.

"In Japan?" he bit back.

"I went for a walk to think this through after my class finished."

"So you think it was a mistake?" he asked trying to stay calm.

"I just-" she started as he cut her off.

"Hey, no problem, I'll be out here in a minute." he said raising his hands in the air.

She almost let him go, too angry to think about this clearly. But he stood still despite his words, unable to leave. Not without her asking him anyway.

"It's not that. It's just that it's weird…you, me…we were never a-"

"…a couple?" he supplied "Hey, just because we slept together it doesn't mean you have to date me. I mean I'm a grown up, I can take it." And his wall was back up, his words as sharp as ever but she let it slide knowing it was all an act.

"Maybe so, but I'm a good girl. I don't just go around and sleep with random guys and then take of without a word in the morning."

"Huh." He wasn't expecting her to say this. He wasn't expecting her to say this at all. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"What do you think it means?"

"So what, you're asking me to…be your boyfriend?"

"Nope. _You're_ asking me to be your girlfriend." she pointed out.

"I am?" he said, already smiling at her.

"Or should I tell my mom you used her only daughter and left without a word?"

"Opposite of what you may think, I _do_ want to live for a few more years, if you don't mind." he said instead of an answer.

"So…we're together?"

"I'm afraid so." he agreed as the silence filled the room. "It's just-"

"A little…But we'll figure it out." she assured him and then added with a grin "It's not like we never dated before."

"Yeah, but this is different."

"How come?"

"For starters, I'm not the same stupid guy I was or at least I'll try not to be and I look way better then I did then." he half joked.

"Yeah right."

"I do." he objected jockingly.

"And I'm the immature one?"

"Whatever."

"At least you admit you were stupid."

"Don't push it." he warned as she smiled.

"Coffee?" she offered.

"Maybe later." he said putting a cup she offered on the table as he planted a kiss on her lips.

"You do know my mom's gonna kill you anyways?" _And me_, she added to herself as they parted and he frowned pulling her into yet another kiss as it continued to snow outside on that chilly morning. But to the two of them…it wasn't cold at all.

()

_Sorry for the wait. I've been soo busy with finals at collage (what happened to that how collage was all about partying and having fun?) and then the holidays…My deepest apologies once again. And I think this chap is a little fluffier then I intended it to be but I guess the holidays have that affect on me so blame it on them. I'm slowly wrapping this story up, I have one or maybe two chapters left. Oh, and reviews would be nice :-)_


	17. Won't back down

_**Disclaimer**__: See chapter 1._

_**AN:**__ There's just one more chapter left after this one so I hope you enjoy!_

()

**Ch17: Won't back down**

She walked down a narrow, dusty road approaching her favorite hangout place hoping to find him there. They've only been apart for a couple of hours and she already missed him. When they came to Stars Hollow this morning (after 2 hours of persuading he finally agreed to accompany her) they agreed that she should talk to her mother first and tell her about the two of them. It was more of a Jess's idea since he was sure Lorelai would kill him if she saw him with her daughter. Actually he suggested skipping this little visit altogether and rescheduling it for like June 2010 but she told him it wasn't like that anymore. He had changed, grown up and Lorelai understood that.

So she went home and found her mom in the living room, unpacking her stuff. After lots of hugging and the exchange of mandatory 'I missed you' 'I missed you more' the girls sat down and she told her all about the apartment, classes and eventually about Jess and the first night in her new apartment. She left out some details of course but Lorelai still looked at her like she has just announced she got engaged to Kirk or worse (if there was such thing).

And then she started laughing obviously thinking it was all a big joke. But she remained completely serious, maybe even a little hurt by the way Lorelai reacted to something she considered to be very important to her. But after two coffees at Luke's and a lot more talking Lorelai realized fighting won't get her anywhere so she agreed to give him a chance. And that was the second reason of her coming here. She promised to her mom they would come to Luke's for launch and tell Luke about this together.

It was just around noon and she knew they didn't have to meet them in a while so she brought a book to keep herself entertained. It was an unusually warm day for winter time of the year and the sun reflected on the water leaving the golden trail all the way to the bridge. She saw him sitting there on the bridge, at their old spot, book in hand. Anything else would be a surprise. She smiled and walked up and then sat down joining him. He didn't look up so she figured the book was pretty interesting.

"Tree o'clock at Luke's." she announced briefly.

"I can't go."

"Why not?"

"Because it's a little ridiculous. I mean I already met Lorelai so there's no need for 'meet the new boyfriend lunch' and I'm sure Luke won't be so happy to see me. Not to mention your mom." he explained.

She sighed not wanting to get into a debate about this. He was right about what he said, but she wanted to do this right this time. She wanted to tell Luke and her mom how things were and even if they didn't like it they'd have to deal with it.

He got back to his book as she leaned to read the title and a soft laugh escaped her lips. That made him look up, his eyes meeting hers.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

"Ayn Rand?" she pointed out.

"So?"

"You know someone once told me she was a real political nut."

He smirked looking at the water.

"And what did you say to that?"

"I agreed." she answered "And said that…"

"…no one can write a 40 page monologue like she can." he fished for her.

"Something like that." she said, trying to remain serious.

"I see you changed your opinion on Hemingway after all." he commented glancing at her book.

She held up a book "Old man and the sea. Not exactly a Tolstoy novel but it's a start."

"It's not all about the size. Besides, that book has a good point."

"Not giving up no matter what obstacle comes your way?"

"Something like that." he said with a smirk.

She smiled.

"And facing life no matter how difficult it gets." she added.

He didn't say anything.

"So, how about applying that principle to our situation?"

"Rory…"

"C'mon, I can't believe the bad boy of Stars Hollow is afraid of my mom. Besides, she promised to be nice."

"You do know that he lost that fish in the end, right?" he asked.

"Yeah, but he still won a moral battle by not giving up."

"A man can be destroyed but not defeated." he recited as she smiled.

"How many times have you read this book actually?"

"It's Hemingway we're talking about here." he said instead of an answer.

"Right." she said realizing how pointless her question actually was "So…Luke's?"

He looked at her indecisively as she looked at him with that pleading look in her eyes, all blue eyes and pouty lips.

"Don't do that."

"What?" she asked innocently.

"You know what."

"I'm not doing anything."

"Fine."

"What's fine? Did you mean fine as in fine I wasn't doing anything, or fine as in you'll go with me?"

"Fine as if your mom starts making any sarcastic comments on my account I'm outta there."

She smiled and then kissed him lightly on the lips as her smile widened. Then they both stood up and she turned to take his hand and practically pulled him from the bridge side mouthing a silent 'thank you' as he rolled his eyes at her. As she turned around anxious to get to their destination she missed to see the grin that appeared on his face growing wider with each passing moment.

~lit~

_I can't do this. _

That was pretty much the smartest conclusion Lorelai managed to come up with after two hours of analyzing the fact her daughter was coming to the diner with her new/old boyfriend. There was nothing scary about that, she has met all her daughters' boyfriends when they first started dating. It was perfectly normal to want to meet the guy your daughter was spending almost all her free time with.

But today was different.

For starters, she already knew this boyfriend and that was kind of the problem. Because all the things she knew about him were, shortly put, not so nice. He was the first guy who broke her daughters' heart and left her without a word, a guy who dropped out of high school, a guy who didn't give a damn about anyone. Or at least that was the case then.

But Rory has told her numerous times he has changed and as much as she wanted to believe her she was still scared. Maybe he was a decent guy. Maybe he did grow up. But that didn't mean he couldn't do the same thing he did then, leave her without even so much as a goodbye.

And that possibility was scary as hell.

But the thing that she didn't want to admit to anyone, especially herself was why the idea of him leaving her scared her so much. It wasn't like Rory never broke up with a boyfriend before. But somehow this wasn't the same. She remembered the look in her daughters' eyes when she heard he left town all those years ago. It was then she knew that was a real thing, not just some high school crush.

Lorelai almost jumped as the bell above the door jingled and her eyes locked with her daughters. She managed a weak smile that slowly faded away as she saw a guy standing behind her. He definitely looked different. Longer hair with significantly less gel, black (not leather) jacket and a Ramones T-shirt. Okay, maybe a shirt didn't fit the combination but she couldn't blame him for listening punk music. Actually, most of the albums Rory owned were punk and rock too.

"Hi mom." Rory greeted her with a smile as she came up to the counter.

"You're here." was all Lorelai managed to say. Not the most brilliant sentence she could say but a sentence nonetheless.

"That we are." Jess confirmed.

The diner was almost full considering it was a launch hour and Lorelai was glad for the noise the costumers were making because she was completely at the loss of words. She, Lorelai Gilmore didn't know what to say. That'd be first.

"So, where's Luke?"

"In the back, yelling at Caesar for being so slow." Lorelai explained unable to ignore her daughters left hand placed in his. She couldn't remember them ever doing that while they dated in high school. Not in front of her at least.

"Lor could you come here and…" Luke trailed off as he saw the three of them standing by the counter as he walked up to join them.

"Jess."

"That is my name." Jess said, suppressing the urge to roll his eyes.

"So now that we're all here we should probably find a table?" Lorelai suggested.

"Good idea." Rory agreed as she looked around to see if any table was available. "There's one by the window." she pointed out.

"Great."

"Actually you should go sit and I'll join you in a minute, I just need to finish up a few orders."

"Sure." Lorelai agreed as they headed for the table.

"Jess!" Luke called out. "You could help me out with those orders."

Jess looked up at Rory and said "Fine." letting go her hand.

He followed Luke into the back as the girls turned and went to take a seat.

"What's up with that?" Jess asked, getting a little annoyed.

"What's going on with you and Rory?" Luke asked seriously.

Jess looked at him, confused "Nothing."

"Nothing? Lorelai told me you two are dating."

"We are."

"How did that happen?"

"I asked her."

"And?"

"And she said _yes_?" Jess tried.

"And what do you plan to do with that?"

"Luke we just started dating. We're not gonna get married tomorrow!"

"But do you want that to happen…you know one day?" Luke asked just as Jess thought this conversation couldn't get any more awkward then it already was.

"What's up with 21 questions?"

"Nothing. It's just me and Lorelai are married now so I have the responsibility to ask you what your plans with her daughter, my step daughter are."

"Oh, jeez." Jess sighed, rolling his eyes.

"I know you got yourself together and all but I just need to know you're not gonna screw this up again." Luke said. He knew he was being a little harsh with the kid but he cared about Rory as if she was his own daughter and even though he'd never admit it, he cared about Jess too so he really needed to make sure that this time they were seriously about this.

Jess didn't say anything.

"Jess?"

"I'm not." he said quietly looking down at some stain on the floor.

"What'd you say?"

"I'm not gonna screw this up." he repeated louder this time. "I wasn't the nicest guy in the world back then but I'm not sixteen anymore."

"Good…Good." Luke said letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding "Now take those salads to the table four."

"You finally numbered the tables?" Jess said in shock taking the plates and then walking out of the storage room leaving Luke standing there surprised that for the first time in so long, he actually believed in the younger man's words.

TBC


	18. I just want to tell you so you know

_**Disclaimer: **__See chapter 1._

_()_

**Ch18: I just want to tell you so you know **

Rory and Lorelai sat across each other at their table talking.

"So that was awkward." Lorelai commented letting out a sigh of relief.

"I don't get you two. It's like it's physically impossible for you to have a normal conversation." Rory protested.

"Don't blame me. He was mister monosyllable there."

"You two better find a way to communicate as normal human beings or I swear of God I'll lock you in a room and let you work things out once and for all."

"Why is it so important to you that we agree at all?" Lorelai asked.

"Because…you're very important to me and he is too. And you could at least try and have a polite 5 minute conversation. It really isn't that difficult."

"We don't have much in common, it's all. I'd say that conversation a minute ago is about the longest we had, except for that one time when…"

Rory started to laugh as Lorelai looked at her completely confused.

"What?"

"I really don't know about the 'not having much in common' part. You two have the exact same opinion about so many things that I'd practically say you're twins. Awkward thought by the way."

"Jess and I? That is weird."

"Tell me about it."

"So maybe I married the wrong member of the Danes family after all."

"Shut up." Rory said with a laugh.

"I was just stating the obvious…" Lorelai commented as they were interrupted by a certain dark haired guy walking up to their table.

Lorelai couldn't help but notice the goofy smile on Rory's face as she realized it was him.

"Coffee?" he offered.

"Okay, I totally love you right now." Rory said.

"Same here." he responded and then realized what they both just said.

Lorelai almost choked up on the muffin she was eating that she previously stole from Kirk who was sitting at the table behind her claiming she was getting lightheaded waiting for Luke to get her her order. "I'll um…go see if Luke needs any help with the um…I'll just…" she gestured with her hands and walked away from the table completely ignored by the couple.

Jess sat down beside Rory as she took a sip of her coffee.

"So..." he started, completely at the loss for words or at least some sarcastic comment for the first time in his life.

"I just…I mean it wasn't that I wanted…and you…"

"Rory, calm down. Nothing happened. Breathe."

"Yeah, you just actually said you love me a minute ago…so nothing happened." she said, more to herself than to him, and then looked up "I mean I get it if you want to take it back."

"Why would I want…" he said pausing to think how to say this to her "I told you that a long time ago. I love you. That hasn't changed by now."

"Okay." she said taking a deep breath "Because I meant what I said too. I love you." she said, the words rolling of her tongue easily, too leisurely even. He looked at her as if she just said the strangest thing in the whole world.

"And not just because you're the guy with coffee, though that does help a lot." she added.

"I figured as much." he said as they both laughed "I should get back to work. Working for five minutes and already on a break. Luke's gonna fire me."

"And I know how bad you need the job." she joked.

"Hey, the tips here are great. They were pretty much the only reason I stayed in this town for as long as I did. And of course…"

"What?" she asked looking at him.

"You."

"Really?" she asked, her eyes lighting up.

"Of course." he confirmed.

"Then I guess I owe you something for such a huge sacrifice…" she said pulling him closer by his jacket.

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah." she confirmed closing the space between them and kissing him fully on the lips almost as a sort of statement. That it's real, that they're real. In the background she could hear Taylor drop his coffee mug on the floor breaking it in pieces.

Lorelai stood at the middle of the diner suppressing a giggle unsuccessfully as Luke yelled at Taylor for breaking things at HIS diner. Priceless moment indeed.

Guess something good could come out of this relationship after all.

She saw Jess walk back to the counter as she decided to stop postponing the much needed conversation with him. He turned around with a puzzled look on his face.

"I just… I wanted to thank you." Lorelai said awkwardly.

And the surprises just keep coming…

"For what?"

"Rory told me about your visit and how you helped her figure things out. With Yale and all…"

"Oh."

"Just don't think we're best friends from now on."

"Wouldn't dream of it." he said going behind the counter to take orders.

This conversation probably went on top of his 'weird' list conversations right next to the unfortunate dinner with the Gilmore's he attended few years ago. And that was a hard one to top.

"What was that about?" Rory asked, scaring him to death a minute later.

"Don't know. Don't ask."

"Right."

"What'd you think are the chances of Luke making Taylor clean that up?" she asked; a light smile on her face as she looked at the two of them still arguing.

"Pretty good I'd say."

"And Luke thanking us for practically giving him an excuse to yell at Taylor?"

"Never gonna happen." Jess answered.

"Thought so." she agreed.

~lit~

"Soo…that went well." she said as they sat down at the table.

"Extremely."

"What do you think about a dinner next week at Emily Gilmore's residence?"

"Again…never gonna happen."

"Why not? We survived this, so I believe we can survive one more little dinner."

"Little?"

"Yep. And if I catch you and mom having an actual conversation without strangling each other I think I wouldn't have to worry about anything else till the rest of my life." Rory said, smilling.

"I wouldn't count on it."

"C'mon, if you say yes, I'll read all the books Hemingway ever wrote…and I'll even discuss them with you afterwards. In detail."

"You _really_ want me to go, huh?" he asked letting go of her hands.

"Absolutely." she confirmed.

He smirked at her and started walking towards the diner door as she looked at him absolutely clueless about what he was doing.

"Where're you going?"

"The more important question here is where you're going Miss Gilmore."

"Where am I going then?"

"The bookstore at Plum Street." he explained walking out of the diner. She stood there for a moment as his words sank in and then she walked out only to find him standing outside, waiting for her.

"So, Hemingway?"

"Your proposition, not mine."

"Can we at least narrow that down to four or his books?" she asked looking at him with those puppy blue eyes and he knew he couldn't refuse her offer.

"Five. And that's the lowest I'll go."

"Fine." she agreed quickly giving him a light kiss on the lips.

Her grin turned into a smile as their eyes met and he wondered what she ever saw in him.

Something more, something he never wanted to see or acknowledge, she explained to him when he asked her on one of their numerous meetings at the bridge that followed after that day. She was there to remind him he wasn't just a failure, but a person who made mistakes like everyone else did and deserved that second chance. He would always be in debt to her for reminding him who he was and who he could really be.

And he had the rest of his life to thank her. Starting with the book he finally finished that was waiting for her on the coffee table at her apartment tonight. With a dedication on the front page.

_To Rory Gilmore_

_Thank you for reminding me I could do more. And for not giving up on me. _

Just in case she didn't know.

(the end)

_Author's Note__**:**__ That's it. I finally actually finished my first multichapter fic. Thanks to everyone who read it and especially to those who took the time to review and comment! BTW, I'd love to hear what you think about the fic as a whole and especially this chapter, of course! _


End file.
